Advice Needed

[Bee]

Hello everyone....I was wondering if I could get some advice on something very important to me.....Let me start by saying that I'm not a massage therapist yet...I"m still in the training process...going to school and I love it....I absolutely love giving massages and learning the technique...the problem I'm finding though....is being touched by another student....I've never been much of a "touch me" kind of person...I don't really enjoy having my personal space invaded unless I'm EXTREMELY comfortable with that person...but again, I don't mind at all touching other people....(strange, I know) and in fact, I quite enjoy the feeling I get from helping someone and making them feel good.....so anyway....with this schooling business...I HAVE to let people touch me and I find it very hard to relax and enjoy it....which kind of makes me feel bad for the person working on me...so my question is....Does anyone have any advice on how I can "loosen up" and let someone else touch me without feeling very self-conscious and extremely uncomfortable?  :-[ I don't know why I"m this way about it and I wish I could get over it, but it's something that kind of stresses me out a bit and I would love to hear people's opinions or advice on the subject.Thank you....

 

[J G]

Advice Needed

Hi Neko, I have always had some similar issues to this and that's some of what I'm working out by working with my own MT.  What I did during training was to try a few of the different MTs in the area to find one that I felt most comfortable with, and then schedule regular appointments.  A professional MT should understand your issues if you feel OK to discuss them, and hopefuly go gently to work with you.  Also, are some parts of the body safer for you?  When you find your MT, you could work on a program together with your MT to work on safer areas as your trust builds up, and make the challenges gentle.  You could also ask your MT to work with you clothed if that feels better.  Whatever it takes to get some nice safe exposure to touch, to help you explore your feelings about it.  Hope this helps, working through all this should really add an extra dimension to your work with clients too.

 

[hollie]

Advice Needed

This is just a thought, but perhaps it is not so much being touched that is difficult for you, but being nurtured. Sometimes people who are very nurturing by nature have a difficult time allowing others to nurture them. If this is the case with you, you need to give yourself permission to allow someone to nurture you. Nurture yourself. Be good to yourself. Take time everyday just for you. -Melody

 

[canmad7]

Neko, could it be a Trust issue that keeps you from feeling comfortable? I have found that sometimes it's a trust issue for me. I have to feel that I've made a "connection" with the massage therapist who is working on me to let go. Since my Mom died last year, I'd think I was fine until someone hugged or touched me... then all of a sudden all my emotional barriers came crashing down.  And knowing that bodywork can bring up emotions, both yours and the clients... over this past year I've been particularly careful to mention my emotional state as well as my physical one to any new MTs that I've worked with.How long have you been in school? Has your teacher spoke to the class about intention yet? When I was in MT school, the class before us was required to give us a massage. I was paired with a particularly talented gal named Char.  The only way I can describe it is that the amount of caring and compassion in her touch can only be compared to the way a mother touches her child. I was blown away by her massage. A couple years ago I was giving a massage to a new Mom  who had just given birth to her 8th child a few weeks before.  She hugged me after the massage and said, "I could feel the love in your touch."   ;D It was one of those moments when I KNEW... I was in the right place, doing the right thing.  

 

[Pompal 09.]

Wow...thanks everyone for some great advice and insight...@jay~ the problem with scheduling appointments with MTs in my area, is the fact that I'm broke...LOL....I have to pay for the school out of my own pocket and tis quite expensive you might say....I do have to have a massage by a professional though...that's required by our school....but I have time for that later, when I save enough money...and I agree that it would build up that trust and add that extra dimension to my work with clients....I'll totally understand their fears in the "getting naked and getting touched" department...I know I'll be extremely understanding....thank you for the advice....@Melody~ آ O.O آ this might be the truest thing I've heard actually....I don't usually admit this but I am an EXTREMELY nuturing person....I'm used to giving and giving and giving and giving and taking care of others...but I've always been uncomfortable letting someone take care of me....lol not to bring my personal life into this, but even with my love...I'd rather give pleasure than recieve, which I think might be a bit frustrating to him at times, but he's such a wonderful man that I've never heard a complaint about it...lol....(he's another giver and nuturing person)....I'm just not sure how to give myself permission to allow this touching business.... hmmmm...have to work on it I guess.....thank you for the insight....it was very helpful....@Breathe~ آ LOL yes...perhaps I am good training for the other students there...they all seem so eager to be touched and worked on, and don't seem to mind laying on the tables half naked letting strangers work on them....my personal bubble has always been pretty big....by invitation only has been my way as well......again, I don't mind touching people or having the people that I love touch me.....sometimes it can make me uncomfortable, but not like if a stranger did it.....and as for talking to my instructor...I have....and he seems to think that once I have started getting more massage treatments, I'll be more open to being touched... I'm skeptical about that.....but in the meantime...I'll try not to stress out too bad about it....thank you for the advice...glad to know I"m not the only one....*grin* (btw...I checked out your website and I must say, found it very interesting and educational....too bad I don't live anywhere near your clinic...LOL)@maestra~ I don't know about this really....I guess maybe I might have a trust issue or two hanging out in my psyche...I'm sorry to hear about your mother...that is tragic...but I don't think I've had a tragidy like that in my life....can't think of any....I know that sometimes emotions can well up and run over during a massage, we've been informed of that phenomenon.....I wonder if that will happen to me? Hmmmmm.....anyway...I've been in classes for about a month now....I know it probably doesn't seem like a lot...but we've already had an anatomy exam... آ which I got an "A" on...*grin* آ wOOt!!! And we're getting ready to have another one..then one in massage class part....  almost every week we're going to be having an exam I think...... آ LOL anyway....thank you for the helpful insight....perhaps my soul searching needs to go in this direction for a while....hmmmm....Anyway...thank you everyone for the comments and suggestions and advice...I really really appreciate it all...I already feel a bit better....but it seems I still have more soul searching to do...(a never ending process for me anyway *grin*)....and perhaps talk to my instructor more on the subject....I'll be alright... آ *keeps telling myself that* آ Thanks again everyone... ;D

 

[Alaa]

Advice Needed

What came to mind for me is to change the way you look at the massage. Yes, allowing the touch and nurturing would be ideal for you from a balance perspective but maybe that's not going to be reality for you at this time.Perhaps you could see the massage you recieve in school as simply a learning exercise. We learn so much about our own massage while recieving massage--maybe looking at it from that angle will give you a bit of ease with the whole situation.HTH, Lanie

 

[themostbeautifulqirlever]

Lots of Vicodin.Kidding. I know a few local massage therapists who do not get massage at all because they do not feel comfortable with someone touching them. I personally find nothing wrong with that at all. I can't stand someone's hand to be NEAR my face, let alone touching my face, but that doesn't stop me from massaging my clients' face if they ask for it (I don't do face/scalp massage by default, they have to request it). You just happen to not like people touching you. As long as you don't mind touching other people, no problems there.As for class, you'll end up getting used to it by the end of the course. All will get better with time. And if not, just chaulk that up to being the part of school you don't like!  

 

[Kayt5]

When I started school, I got paired up with a guy for my first week, so that was a little uncomfortable, but after time I got over it and you will too. Do you feel strange touching others?? Maybe if you have a blanket as well as the sheet you will feel more "protected" I know when I was in school we just used white sheets that are very see through, so we wore shorts undeneath, but you could also put a blanket over the top.  At first we were all shy around each other, but after a few months, we were running aound in just towels and the guys would drop their pants (boxers underneath of course) and no one cared. It just takees time for some to be comfortable with their body!

 

[Brendan K]

Advice Needed

Hmmm. I don't want to discount what you're feeling because it's totally justified. You may or may not become more open/available for touch (either receiving or giving).When I first started class, I didn't like touching feet - I had to see you clean them before I would even come near you. Now, I can't imagine walking away from the table without working on the client's feet.We've been in class now for about 6 months (9 more to go) and we're working on OIAs for now on. I asked a classmate if I could work with her next week but she said no. Surprise! But then she explained that since we're working on iliopsoas next week, she didn't feel comfortable having me work on her. Perfectly understandable. That's one of her boundaries, just as you have yours.And, Seforum.xxxg, I was so looking forward to giving you a head, neck, and face session once I graduate. I'm so bummed now :-/

 

[Captain Sav-A-Hooooo]

O.O more great insight....@Lanie~ That's what I've been doing kind of...I've been trying to pay attention to what is being done to me so that I might learn different techniques because I've found that everyone does it differently, no matter how the instructor has taught us....and that's alright too...as we've been told that we'll find our own way of doing things...this whole situation has been a learning experience for me....thank you so much for the [email protected]~    Vicodin huh?  LOL I suppose I'll have to invest as that sounds like a great plan....I don't mind touching other people...that's never been a problem...have to admit though....even though I've been doing massage for friends and family for years now...I"m still a little nervous about how others will react to my touch....and as for getting used to it....well, I guess...LOL  our instructor told us the same thing....LOL...we're lucky cause we got a man with a GREAT sense of humor and he makes the class fun, so hopefully he's right and I suppose he's seen it before or wouldn't bring it up...lol....anyway....thank you for the advice and insight...  perhaps vicodin is the way to go...*grin*  (btw...I LOVE your avvy...I swear I laugh at it EVERY time I look at it...who is it and where is it from?)@greatkat2~ I haven't gotten paired with a guy yet....have to admit, that would probably make me EXTREMELY nervous...LOL    strange, but it seems that the guys in our class stick together and the girls stick together.... I would think it would be the other way around....our instructor said that most of his clients are females... hmmmm....LOL....but anyway....I don't feel strange others...that isn't a big issue for me, and in fact, I quite enjoy making others feel comfortable.....we do bring our own sheets and blanket and pillows from home.....and you know what?  LOL...that's exactly what our instructor said..that in a few months everyone will get there and strip first thing and not think a thing about it....lol...that's funny to think about...but...I've been a "no touchy" kind of person my whole life...I'm not sure that 18 months is going to change that...although I do hope that it gets a little better....maybe this career move is going to be good for me in more ways than one...  hmmmm.....anyway...thank you very very much for the insight...@Gaspen~ LOL  that's kind of funny, cause the feet are my favorite thing to work on...lol...that's how I started working on massage actually...my father was a factory worker and came home with sore puppies every night....I always rubbed his feet for him...  I love feet....   .>  *whispers* in fact, after I grew up...I developed a kind of foot fetish you might say....*grin*....and oui...I suppose what it boils down to is...I"m just going to have to respect MY boundries as much as I respect others....I guess there's no sense in pushing it with myself...just accept it and work with it...I would hate to make the whole massage school experience turn sour because of this one thing....anyway...thank you for the insight......Again...thanks everyone for responding to this....I love how friendly and helpful everyone here is....I think finding this place was Universe sent...it's become just as important to me as my class...so again...thank you.... ;D

 

[Eleni]

Advice Needed

the only thing i'd like to add is that if you choose to not participate in receiving work from some of your classmates, you could possibly upset your school's hours requirement.edit: also, some schools have a non-descrimination policy~ if you refuse to have a male work on you, as was done to mr. mush when he was in school, you could be put in a position to be dropped from the program. the female student in this example was told that she must work with both males and females. her refusal would constitute gender discrimination which was against the policy of the school. the curriculum is scheduled to account for most for your time requirements, both giving and receiving count toward that in some schools.my personal feeling is that this will pass, to a certain extent. you will become somewhat comfortable with your classmates, as you all are trying to become the best mt's you can be.

 

[corporal.hicks]

Advice Needed

Hey there=I've been a massage therapist and actual practicing medical intuitive (for a living) for over 10 years now. I have a take on this thing I'd love to share with you! First of all, yes, in massage school, nobody has well developed confidence in their abilities yet, and may have ALL KINDS of insecurities projecting while they are working on us, as we probably do too. WHen someone has boundary trust issues, it can be really hard to feel "safe" enough to let ourselves be "vunerable" in the hands of someone who doesn't project a confident or well defined healing space. Also, being a really "nurturing" person is great, however, it CAN sometimes become a control issue-if everyone "needs" our nurturing, then they are in the "less dominant" position and we feel "safe". I am particulary prone to this one. Please don't read that I am saying being nurturing is not a good thing. It is amazing. Its' just that we want to be CONSCIOUS with it.I think all we can do is breathe, get present, and choose how we are going to be. It takes self awareness and a lot of practice and above all TRUST-of ourselves first, then others. Wow. It's complicated, like many things human, but getting present and then powerfully CHOOSING to RESPOND rather than REACT can make a HUGE difference.

 

[Bill L]

Advice Needed

IMHO, well said Theresa! ;D

 

[LuvThosePurpleShoes]

Neko, I had one thought about scheduling appointments with experienced MTs, while in school.  If money is an issue (isn't it always ;-)) maybe one way to go is to look for a mentor - a more experienced therapist who would be willing to trade with you for a half hour session every couple of weeks or so.  If you network with the MTs in your area, and let it be known you are looking for someone to act as a mentor, you might find a kind soul who you click with, who would be willing to trade.  By the way, did you ever try a chair massage? they are usually fully clothed, and often just working the back and shoulders, so, for me, can be safer-feeling.  I hope you don't feel I'm saying you should explore this if you don't want to, it just occurred to me, and I thought I'd mention it.  You are so right about respecting your own boundaries - it seems like that is step one on the way to respecting your clients'.