Bad behaviour

[Pompal 09.]

I just started a new job, and my first client was an Italian, (not being racial here) he came to me for a full body massage, I asked the usual, have you had this treatment before, yes. I asked him to undress, but to keep underpants on, as I came back, he was lying on top of the towels, starkers, where do you look? Being professional as possible, asked him to put his under garments on, and put yourself under the towels. Yeah!! he did what I said, later on after doing his front of the body, I asked him to turn over, onto his stomach. He kept on asking questions, saying I have the voice, of angels, sing for me, Knowing myself that I am what they call cats chorus, he then replied dance for me, I replied I am here, to do a massage for you, not in a nasty way, but enough to let him know, that he was out of order. I carried on doing his treatment, this is where the bad behaviour comes in, what I normally do, to get more pressure placed on the shoulders is stand in front of the person, and use my body weight, ( I have done this millions, of times with men), and nothing like this happens). I will explain further put his arms around me, touching me.
I continued with the treatment, as I didn't want to be in trouble, for cutting the treatment short, as this was my first day.
I had told the manageress what happened, and she told me, I should of cut treatment, but I said to her what I wrote above, she just looked at me, in a serious and agreeing way.

The next day, the guy came down from his room, ( I worked in a Hotel) looking for me, he did this the next two days, until he left, he kept on saying I want to say goodbye to me.

What would you have done if you were me, and how do you ask for protection in this circumstances, as I want to venture into my own business, doing mobile therapies.

 

[avissa]

Hi Spiritualhappiness

In a therapy session the therapist has to be in control, if the situation reverses stop the treatment and leave or throw them out the choice is yours but you need to remain in control of the situation.

 

[taboy74]

Oh dear, poor you. That sounds awful. I think I would have cut the treatment short, and I'm sure you would if it happened again. We learn from these things. Although the vast majority of men are just 'normal' people, it's a sad fact that as female therapists we do need to be aware of this type of thing.

When I have worked at clinics I have always felt safe treating men as they have to see someone to check in, so it doesn't seem seedy or secret. (One room I rented in a hospital even had a button I could press if anything happened - it was for the crash team but they said I could use it in 'dodgy' circumstances!). However at my home practice I advertise as ladies only and only see men who have been recommended by another client. I would urge you to do the same for your mobile practice. I used to try and vet them on the phone first but then one slipped through the net. It wasn't too bad, he just asked to see my feet too! I said "no" and swiftly got him out the door!

Don't let this one incident ruin your new job. I'm sure it was just very bad luck.

Sarah x

 

[Pompal 09.]

Hi Spiritualhappiness

I have read your post over and over - what an awful thing to have happened to you!

Firstly I want to say that I think you did all the right things - you can never be sure how a client is going to be when you first meet them. Even your first reaction when he was starkers on the couch, you could well have thought that being as he was foreign, he had not fully understood your instructions.

Personal protection for all therapists is very difficult, especially if you are going to be alone and mobile. My wife (before we were married) would not do any men, unless they were family to existing clients, or a referal from an osteopath she works closely with. She would also not go to a clients home, but have them come to her. You don't know who else is going to ge in the house with you in someone else's home.

As far as the Hotel is concerned, they have a duty of care while you are on their premesis. I am glad that the manageress seemed to be understanding, as she is, could the leaflets in the hotel offering your massage be re-worded, so guests know that it is a propper massage and nothing 'dodgy'?

Unfortunatly, it seems that most therapists get occasional unwelcomed attention, I hope that the law of averages says that you won't have another for a long long time.

Health & happiness

Waywood

 

[??? c?r??ic is Tonedeff]

I had a very similar experience whilst treating, on my own, at home. I did indeed cut the treatment slightly short. Throughout the treatment the comments made were either ignored, or rebutted with "professional guideline/integrity"

He did infact contact me for a follow up massage asking if the session could be finished with a little "light relief" - to which I replied that the level of service he required was over and above what I could provide.

Try and be firm but not insulting - you don't want them turning nasty. Unfortunately Massage still conjurs up something else in a lot of peoples minds.......


J xx

 

[Just a Random]

all therapits dread the day this happens. i have been lucky... so far!

on saturday, a colleague of mine at the hotel i sometimes work in, had a similar incident. she asked the man, who was only having a back massage, to remove his shirt whilst she was going over the consult form. when she looked up he was just standing quite naked. she said, she remained totally impassive, asked him to put his underwear back on whilst she leaft the room for a moment.

however, on her return, as she went about her massage, he did ask, quite *nastily* if she had a problem. she said no and explained that all clients leave underwear on. he then did get apologetic and explained that in california, where he lives, clients are naked... so there you go... cultural difference? i dunno...

i do know of another incident where another friend was managing the spa and a junior therapist had a chap assuming extras... the young girl got very upset and ran out to the manageress who immediately asked the man to get dressed and leave, but not without paying and apologising. quite right too.

just remember, you are a trained professional, you do a good job and you do not have to tolerate crap behaviour. polite and firm cannot get you into trouble with your boss in this situation and if it did... i'd leave.

 

[OLD MAN OF KNOWLEDGE]

I'll tell you something - and I am not being racist either - I really love Italian people. But the men can be VERY VERY persistent. I had a similar situation when I was a lot younger on an Italian beach. The guy came and sat with me and wouldn't go away, he just sat and sat. Eventually I got up and went into the sea and swam out onto a rock (my boyfriend at the time came and joined me) and bloody hell I sat there for ages. The guy started brushing his hair with my hairbrush and reading my book and everything! It's funny now, but at the time I was only 19 and didn't know how to handle it. He eventually wandered off and reapeared that night to pinch me bum!!!!!

Hope that makes you feel better - all true.

 

[deideiblueeyez]

I have to add to my last post, he did say where he came, we don't use towels, this has happened with every foreigner, no not my last post , but where the issue of towels, come in.

I would love to know if this is true, in foreign countries, if not, i can use this to calm a frustration.

Thanks for all your replies, I have now left, the job, that I was in, due to my boss not being UNDERSTANDING. She made a mockery out of it, saying that in my ten years of working " I have never had this happen to me" implying that I must of encouraged him, I did not, it still angers me, thinking about it.

I have taken everyones advice, about only doing women.

Thanks again.
spiritualhappiness[sm=1kis.gif]

 

[solaris]

I'm sorry your boss turned out not to be understanding afterall. We live and learn from these things!

Sarah x

 

[Vel]

Speaking as a man,

The first time I went for a massage I was worried something inadvertent might happen down below, so I was as tense during the massage as the therapist probably was, wondering what was wrong with me.

In France, the client is buck naked, and in India, they massage all of you, including breasts, and male bits.

In Turkey, you get thoroughly rubbed down, and again don't wear anything, so I suspect we are probably a bit more self-conscious over here.

However none of that can excuse unprofessional behaviour. Be firm, and polite, but as previous posters mentioned, remember they are in your space, you are the one in control!

Please don't be put off male clients, we need help too!

 

[heaven mclovin]

How disguisting massaging private parts, no wonder they ask to keep the towels, off. I draw a line at this, No WAY, HOSEY!!!!!

 

[floubobesmero]

Hi again Spiritualhappiness,

Apologies if I offended by my comments, but what I was trying to say is that what we may deem offensive in England, is not necessarily so elsewhere.

In Thailand for example, you would never pat someone on the head, as the head is sacred, and you wouldnt expose the soles of your feet to someone in public as this is extremely rude.

The point I was trying to make was that it is your responsibility to clarify before you start a treatment what will and won't happen.

by the way, our very own Paul Crick sometimes includes breast massage in his treatments, with the clients consent, and with good reason.

 

[Hettie.]

Hello spiritualhappiness,

I htink you did the right thting:

A friend of mine doing Reiki once had a client who stripped himself down. "feeling too hot" was his excuse. She tried to vcover him with a sheet, but again he felt too hot.... She did not kick him out, but worked only on his feet... When he asked her why she was not working in the rest of the body -by that time he was very visibly arroused- she answered very professionally and with a tone that allowed no reply "that is where I am guided to work". She refused another booking from him.

As for treating only people form the same gender, the one Shiatsu student on my course who I know got in some sort of similar trouble was a woman working on a woman client... But i have no idea of the details.

Artemis

 

[Jordan Cohen]

I can't believe the attitude of your boss!! I bet if she was in the same situation, she would have run out of the room as soon as she had seen him naked on the couch![] (would serve her right too for implying that of you)

You know that you didn't lead this man on, so don't let this 'one bad apple spoil the barrell'. Mind you...... I'm still day-dreaming about the day when a gorgeous young woman strips off and lies naked on a couch for me[8D]. (In reallity - I'd run a mile!!!)

Health & happiness

Waywood

 

[Sims3Freak]

What a terrible experience which you should not have had but give yourself a pat on the back for handling it so well.
I don't know if this helps or not but to avoid that sort of situation I always tell the client what clothes I want them to remove and what I want them to leave on. I also tell them what body parts I will be massaging and what parts will be covered by towels, it probably wouldn't have helped in this case but might be worth doing in the future

 

[gem69ine]

Waywood, you made me laugh at you post. I'm still day-dreaming about the day when a gorgeous young woman strips off and lies naked on a couch for me . (In reallity - I'd run a mile!!!)

Soar, I always I always tell the client what clothes I want them to remove and what I want them to leave on. I also tell them what body parts I will be massaging and what parts will be covered by towels.

Thanks for the replies, it nice to see mixed view on this.

 

[manstar375]

Crumbs SH, how horrible for you! It's a pity the female manager wasn't more supportive, but I hope you don't feel it's your problem because it sounds to me as though you explained perfectly to the client what was expected. He was basically there to try it on and I'm amazed you made it through the treatment. Let's hope you don't have to go through that again.

 

[arrorgoarbife]

I hope I don't, fingers crossed!!![sm=flylicker.gif]

 

[shaken & stirred]

Hi all

Just want to add my tuppence worth to this. I think harrassment of therapists is something that the colleges don't deal with very well. On my course, several of us were a little anxious about massaging men, but the tutor brushed off our concerns. However, I personally know three women who have had problems, and in one case the man actually started masturbating. He was thrown out of the gym this happened in, but again there was a suggestion that because the therapist was young and female it was somehow to be expected.

Call me a miserable old trout, but I'm afraid I always have a complete sense of humour failure where women are compromised in this way. I think that it's important that students are taught to deal with these sorts of situations - if you've been trained to cope it won't seem so bad if it happens, and you'll still feel in control.

I think if you are uncomfortable with a client in any way and feel threatened, then you should terminate the treatment immediately. Making excuses for these perverts doesn't help anybody - they know perfectly well what they are doing, and they'll just come back for more. (The cultural clash stuff doesn't wash with me, I'm afraid).

The man I mentioned above had previously asked another therapist in the same gym to 'go a bit higher' when she was doing the front of his legs, but she was convinced that she had sorted him out by using a lot of pressure. I think that at this stage he should have been refused further treatments. Instead, he came back and become sexually aggressive with a less confident therapist.

Obviously, most men don't behave like this, but I think it's something that needs to be talked about properly.

Anyway, all the best spiritualhappiness!

Bonnie
xxx

 

[Bleatbrer]

I have just been reading Massage Therapy Journal today, the magazine of the American Massage Therapy Association, its quite interesting how in America how feelings regarding draping differ. Some states require full draping, others genitals only, others its at the discretion of the client. There seems to be quite a thing in America for not using draping at all.

Fortunately, I have so far not experienced any problems with innappropriate behaviour from either a male nor female client. But in the event of it ever happening i would cut the session short, ask the client to leave and inform them I will not accept any further appointments from them.

Also just want to agree with something topcat said, us men also need treatments too! Sometimes it can be such a nightmare to find a therapist prepared to treat me.

Love and hugs
Foz xx
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