Desperate and not knowing what to do

[Happykid]

Alright.....I haven't been here in a while....but I"m somewhere right now in my life where I"m confused, frustrated, anxious, and lost....and I thought, what better place to find advice for my dilema than here....where the people already know what to expect.....

The abridged version of what's going on: I'm currently attending the Cincinnati School for Medical Massage.....I love the school and the classes, but I"ve been going through some life changes recently, and California is calling me right now. I still have school until October of next year, but the call is driving me crazy and making me depressed because I want very badly to be in Anaheim and not here in Cincinnati....I know that my calling in life is to become a professional massage therapist, and I know that I'm really good at what I do.....my problem is this: 1) I have a 200 dollar a month van payment......2) I have a 310 dollar a month school payment.....3) I have a job making minimum wage....so no extra money AT ALL.......to leave here now seems so crazy and I feel that if I do, I'll let a whole lot of people down........and I have no garuantees for anything waiting out there for me....I don't know what the job market is like out there, I"m not sure what the cost of living is like out there.....I don't think I could get financial aid for school out there, because I didn't qualify for it here........I know that the massage therapists don't need a license to practice in the State of California, but I also know that the requirements are different from district to district.....and I just don't know what the job market would be like for someone without a certificate of completion.......I would love to just transfer to a school out there, but the school that I"m currently attending doesn't transfer......so I would probably have to start all over.......I'm just not sure what to do.....trying to find out information about Cali requirements is quite difficult, and even more so since I'm trapped here in Ohio......I want to know what it's like to just pick up and leave....LOL........my brain is telling me to stay and finish out school, take the national exam and then go out to California....(the "safe" way)....but my heart is telling me to leave now....and there are so many signs that I can't ignore that are pointing me in that direction, so many that it just can't be a coincidence......and I'm growing more and more depressed over it each and every day.......to the point where school hardly interests me anymore.....>.< and that sucks, because I'm doing so well, making excellent grades, and doing an amazing job with my hands........I"m so afraid that I'm getting ready to lose everything here, and then still not be able to make it ito California....then I lose everything period.....

Any insight and words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated......I suppose I'm just seeking some sort of validation for how I'm feeling, and I know that I shouldn't have to rely on what other's think, just go with my intuition on this matter, but I'm so torn over it.....I just don't even know where to begin to put the pieces together......

Thanks everyone....

~Neko~

 

[Lisa S]

Neko,

Sounds like you are feeling stuck and that another whole year seems an eternity to you! I can't offer advice to stay or go, but I can tell you that the cost of living in Anaheim is VERY high. I grew up in SoCal and now live in a rural community where the cost of living is low and the quality of life high. Now if we could just reduce the humidity by about 90% I would be really happy. Oh, and get rid of all this VEGETATION! and the hurricanes, and the snow... I cried the first 5 years I was here and just wanted to go back to California.

I know you know this...
Wherever you go, there you are.

I am deeply affected by place and will one day move back west - probably not CA, and certainly not SoCal. Too many people, too expensive, can't stand the traffic on the 91 freeway. But friends and family who stayed love it there and they have adapted to all those things.

So if you were here, I would say, let's get a cup of tea, make a fire in the outdoor firepit, drink tea, and watch the flames turn to embers. And as we sat in silence, the chatter in your mind would subside, and as the chatter subsided, your inner knowing would whisper to you, and the next step would be clear.

Be gentle with yourself right now. Listen to the whisper of intuition.
LaLoba

 

[Liuzhou Laowai]

I'm not sure I understand completely what exactly is calling you to California. You don't list specifics, other than a strong feeling. Yet, you make quite a long list of reasons NOT to go. Could it be that in your gut, you know the sensible thing to do and are looking for others on the board to validate it? How long have you had this "calling" for California?

If you were my son or daughter, I would ask you what your plan was when you got there. Will you still have your van payment? Are you still responsible for the school payment if you quite the school? How are you going to afford the school out in California?

You have already invested time and money in school where you are. If you leave now, you will lose all that. You will also be going to California without a skill to get a decent job and make enough money to survive. Since you feel such a strong pull to become a massage therapist, I would hate to see you go to California and barely be able to make enough money for daily living expenses and have to give up your dream to become a massage therapist.

Be patient. California will still be there next October (assuming there are no natural disasters that decide to destroy that state too). You will be in a better position to pick up and go. You will be a year further along in your van payments. You will have the knowledge and skill you have learned in school that will make you a better prospect for a job.

You can spend the year investigating all sorts of different things about California and planning your move there. I think in the long run, your move will have more of a chance of being successful if you plan it.

 

[VassileNupolopol]

stick it out. you're in a great program and you're learning and doing some great things.

the cost of living in cali is so high. going out there before you graduate would put more stress on you. you'd still be struggling to pay your payments, except everything would be more than what you're paying now...

true, cali doesn't have state licensing, but from what i've read here, those municipalities that do regulate are pretty particular about credentials. some relocating mt's have said it is a long and drawn out process.

maybe you're misreading the signs. they may not say 'go now' but 'go later on this path'

 

[Jamesson (RekonDog)]

Thanks everyone for the insights..... the pull to California has been a strong one for a while now, but it keeps growing stronger every day.....I've wanted to go to Cali since I was very young....there is definately something waiting for me in California....I have many arrows pointing me in that direction.

My mother lived in Cali and her stories of there were always some of my favorites.

When I was about 8-9 years old(I'm 31 now), I had a best friend that moved to Cali, and we kept in contact for years and years and years.

LOL Even more years later, like 4 years ago, I met her cousin, Mike, who came from California and I would listen to his and his grandmother's stories about it all the time.

I had a dream about going to California and visiting my step-sister, Andy...(who lives here in Ohio, not Cali)....then a few months later.....

I met a man from California, named Andy and we fell in love with each other...... he was pretty much the major catalyst for a lot of things in my life, including encouraging me to follow my dreams and start school......(still love him and we still talk almost every night and I'm still planning on going out there to be with him)

I'll be honest with you, I had a great paying job that I lost right before I started school, and I live at home with my mother, and she offered to help pay for the school until I could find another one.... that was in March.....I JUST recently found a job about a week ago......and it wasn't from lack of trying....I went practically EVERYWHERE I could think of and put in applications for months and months and months....I got a few interviews, but none of them ever called me back and I couldn't understand why, I still don't know why.....I felt like the Universe was saying...."Not here....you're not going to find a job here, cause this isn't where you're supposed to be".......I started getting more and more depressed because I couldn't find a job anywhere.... I couldn't even get hired on at a fast food place, the last place on earth I even wanted to work....the job that I managed to find is worthless.....I work less than 20 hours a week, and I make minimum wage....it's not enough money for everything that I need.......another thing that happened.....my van wouldn't pass the echeck no matter what I did, so I had to get another one....so my mother gave me hers and bought herself a new one....and now my sister is getting ready to go into the hospital for something and needs a very expensive peice of equiptment.....my mother is finally running out of money....and I want to help her so bad, but the only job I could find isn't going to get us anywhere.....it's basically just a space-filler and I"m at my wits end.....to quit school now and go out to California would unburden her greatly......but she's one of the people I would hurt if I quit...she doesn't want me to quit right now......

I've been meeting people here lately from Southern California....in real life and on the internet and a couple of people that I already know here have been moving to Los Angeles. My friend Joe left for LA about two weeks ago, and my friend Mark is moving to LA at the end of the year in about 3 months.

I was offered a free....FREE plane ticket to California two days ago from another friend.......

I've been reading an excellent book called "Anatomy of the Spirit" and the author is a medical intuitive. It's basically a self-help book on cleaning out your chakras and clearing up the unfinished business in your life so that you can be a healthy, happy person, and she recommends that we each follow our dreams, and let the Universe guide us....she tells how we should let go of our fears, learn to listen to our intuitions and instincts and that to ignore that causes chaos and unhappiness.....she says when you start listening, you start to notice the sycrinicities.....I've noticed these sycrinicities before, but I've always ignored them out of fear, but now.....they are happening more often and they are stronger than before.... I feel like the call to California is getting stronger and stronger by the day, and I continue to ignore it because of my fears that I mentioned earlier, and I am so unhappy right now.....I also read a book on Toltec teachings, and it pretty much says the same thing........I feel like these books are part of those sycrinicities.....

So as I mentioned earlier....my head...my reasonings...my logic....my fears......are keeping me here, making me finish out school and I feel like I"m going crazy because....my heart....my soul.....my intuitions.....my desires......and my syncinicities are all screaming at me to go now......

 

[Zork]

Listen for the whisper...

It is ok to sit with these feelings and do nothing. It is impossibly difficult, but it is immensely rewarding. Only you can decide to go or stay. It doesn't matter if you have a plan or not. What matters is that you know what you are "listening" to when your "intuition" is talking. My experience is that it is a whisper not a scream, but that's just my experience.

I have acted and done wild things based on the "scream" and it all works out in the end, but now I listen for the whisper. It isn't any easier now than it was then, but I am still trying and it sounds like you are too!

Love,
LaLoba

What in your life is calling you?
When all the noise is silenced,
the meetings adjourned,
the lists laid aside,
and the wild iris blooms by itself
in the dark forest,
what still pulls on your soul?

In the silence between your heartbeats
hides a summons.
Do you hear it?
Name it, if you must,
or leave it nameless,
but why pretend it is not there?

Terma Collective

 

[XYZ]

Neko,
If you're asking for advice, and I'm not clear whether you are or not, I'll pitch my $.02. I say geography doesn't change anything. If you have a stable situation where you are, even if it is tenuous, it seems to me a better place to do what you're doing than moving to a new location where you will be forced to start over, and potentially not be able to pursue your dream at all. You have invested time and money where you are. Never mind the other people who might be affected by your leaving; think about what you will be doing to yourself. SoCal will be there in a year, and if your friend(s) are true, they will still be there as well.
One has to ask the question of whether there isn't an element of running from rather than to...

 

[rachel90d]

I have a calling to move to Maui...honestly, I am at peace there like no other place on earth. but...there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality.
Right now I am stuck in Alberta...it is cold, there are no mountains or lakes or oceans ( I grew up in BC where it is beautiful ). I hate Alberta...my family is all out in BC still. The only 'family' I have here in Alberta are two ex husbands and my children. I am stuck here until my kids finish school...which is 8 more years. 8 years before I can truly do what I want to do.
I KNOW how you feel about where you are and where you want to be....but you have to be realistic.

You only have to wait for one year to follow your dream of being out west. One year is nothing.
You may be overwhelmed with money problems where you are now, but it would be a whole lot worse in CA. The cost of living out there is much higher than Ohio. Your rent will be higher, your food will cost more...you will still be working a crappy job for minimum wage.
Stick it out for one mroe year and you will be able to move out there with a skill so that you can find a good job doing what you love in a place you love.
Be happy that you don't have to wait 8 years.

 

[Gerry C]

desperate to move

Sweetie,

I know how you are feeling. I'm stuck in Florida, a state I really do not like. But I have just over 8 months to go at a really great massage school. I do have plans set up for moving to Texas after I graduate. It's just so hard to have to keep on going to work every day. I'm taking classes at night. But I know that this school is the best thing that I could be doing right now. I love working in the healing arts, and this will allow me to make a living doing what I'm meant to do.

My advice to you is to hang in there. Keep going to school, and think about how much better off you will be when you have all that knowledge behind you.

What I've done to help keep me motivated is put pictures of what I plan to achieve when I get to Texas into my school binder. I have found some pictures of cob buildings in the style which I plan to build for my massage studio when I get there. I've also added some other pictures of things that I find beautiful, just to make me smile.

So, keep your chin up girl. You're going to make it. And you will make the right choice for you, never fear.

Good luck,
Andrea

 

[HI everybody]

I have to say, part of longing to be somewhere and actually being able to be there are not always in the greater dimension of things.

From what you said, I'd say the smart thing to do would be to finish school, get on your feet and then plan the move. But plan it, don't just jump in and hope it will all work out. Not that that doesn't work for some people, but....

Also, why would you throw away everything you have accomplished up to this point for what you "feel" is going to complete your calling?

I am a bit of a concrete person, so taking or not taking jobs based on what the universe wants me to do, has rarely been an option -- food and shelter usually win over...

Then again, you may be just the person to show me jumping up and running off to a new place and starting over without any ideas of how you'd do it really can work! Then, I think I'd envy you! t004

I'd suggest posting your question on this http://www.massageresource.com/ubbcgi/ultimatebb.cgi site too. There are some pretty "univers-y" type people there who may also have some insite for you. They may come up with all the reasons you are looking for to go. Weeks is in Hawaii. He seems to be pretty into some more esoteric ideas.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I've been living in Utah for 16 years. My husband has tried to transfer to other cities for most of that time. He just received a transfer to Houston. Waiting has been really hard, but if we had gone the times that we thought doors were opening, we probably would have lost everything (floods, tornadoes right where we were planning to put our house). Patience is not an easy virtue, but usually if something is right it is worth the wait. On another note, my friend has been working toward getting her license in Ca. She has had to do a lot of intensive weekends and such. We started school at about the same time. I've been nationally certified for 2 years (over 800 hrs of school) and she just finished her 500 hrs. It seems like it was a lot harder to get school hours. Also, each city and/or county has different requirements. The city she lives in requires 500 hrs, but the neighboring town only requires 250. Also the county required VD testing! Can anybody tell me why the state would promote the idea that massage isn't an ethical practice? Anyway, go with what your heart tells you. Good luck with your decision.

Keelie

 

[Brian T]

Also the county required VD testing! Can anybody tell me why the state would promote the idea that massage isn't an ethical practice? Anyway, go with what your heart tells you. Good luck with your decision.

That is a FIRST I have ever heard of that!!! Had my state required me to take that I would have questioned THEM. With the nice statement of "What in the H*#@ do you think I will actually be doing?" then next statement" I take it ya'll permit unethical behavior"
That is just ludicrous. I would never work in an area that would make me take a test for VD.NEVER!!

 

[LinkLover]

Until we got title protection here in WI... MTs in the city of Madison were required to be photographed and finger printed. Freaky huh?

 

[skydog]

in las vegas, you cannot practice without a thorough background investigation~ everywhere you have lived and worked since you were 18 with no gaps in time allowed. you also must be photographed and fingerprinted.

VD test? i believe it, but the powers-that-be need a wake-up call. they probably would say it is to protect public health. i'd say that we need to protect ourselves from them :shock:

 

[Shark bait]

Hiya Neko,
By all means, finish school--its just a year--then GO!

Speaking from experience. I always wanted to travel and see the world in my early twenties but had no money and no one interested in joining me, so you know what?? I went anyway by myself, no job, no money and traveled all over the US, part of Canada, lived in Mexico, lived in the Bahamas and even lived in Venezuela. Plenty of people were saying, "its too dangerous for a single woman," "what are you going to do for money" and on and on and on.

They were some of the best four years of my life. And what's funny is that since I was a child I wanted to travel, finally in my early twenties, the feeling was so strong I just had to do it, no matter that I left my boyfriend (relationship going nowhere) friends and family to go.

Now I'm a little more settled, married and following a great career. Not to mention, I have lived and experienced things that most people go their whole lives without ever realizing. The funny thing is I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't followed my heart ten years ago.

Definitely finish school because it will help that you have that education before you come out here to California. It's not that long of time and will be over before you know it.

But don't let anyone talk you from your dreams. You only live once in this lifetime. If its a mistake, then oh well, it won't be worse than staying where you are the rest of your life and dreaming about what would've happen had you moved out here to Cali. Who knows what awaits you if you go.

Oh yeah, I'm also a fan of Carolyn Myss!!

 

[Lapara99]

I know how you feel. I had a strange feeling to go to Georgia for several years when I was married. I was even trying to get my husband to transfer his job to georgia. That never happend and we were divorced 2 years later.
Ironicly, when I was seperated I met a guy online who was from GA! He's now my current boyfriend and I moved to Georgia in a year after meeting him.
I LOVE GA. It's great. The only thing that is hard is missing my family and friends.
When I left MI, during the year I was divorced and getting to know my GA boyfriend many doors seem to open for me. I could have stayed and got a job making over 19.00 hr. My massage classmate opened her own place and I could have worked for her. I guy that I know who I thought was way out of my league (he made like 500,000 a yr) told me he wanted to date me three days before I was to move to GA!! I mean all these things started to happen to me to make me stay in MI!! :shock: It was crazy. But I suck with my guns and moved.

I love my boyfriend and living with him. But my job sucks, I can't do massage because of the laws, short cash flow, and I hardly know anyone here. I'm still trying to make things work. But I feel like I missed out on a lot back home.
You need to make sure you also have the money to move. You need to stay in school and try to take advaneforum.xxxe of living with your mom and save money! It may take you a while to find a job in CA. Have at least 3 months worth. Good Luck!!