Giving (and getting) feedback

[dont-tread-on-me]

I'm currently a student. I know I still have A LOT to learn and I really love getting specific, constructive critiques on my massages. I have found that even though sometimes I would feel a twinge of insecurity that when I listened, and the intent of the critic was for my betterment, I have gotten progressively better.

My school has a clinic and some people just aren't as gifted as others. I know this is a given. Here's my dilemma: I have trouble giving constructive criticism because I always think that the person is going to feel bad or not like me. When I get a massage that I know could be improved in obvious ways, I still cringe at the thought of telling them, however gently worded.

My DH says that I'm not being fair if I don't tell them because this is the best time for new massage therapists to hear this type of feedback. Of course I know this... but I still hesitate. I suppose it's normal. I want to do the right thing and not cheat someone out hearing honest feedback. I have to see these people a lot and I don't want to alienate myself either. Is there a middle ground here? So far I have been telling them the more obvious pointers, but I could do so much more. Perhaps I feel it isn't my place? Not sure...

Any advice on this?

 

[thehomeschooledchild]

You can use the sandwich plan - sandwich each negative between two positives.

I LOVED the compressions before you put oil on each area! If you slow down a bit as you work specific muscles, it will be much easier to feel specific trigger points and be able to ease into them and work them out. You have a great long stroke that kept changing pressure to the perfect amount for the area, all the way through.

 

[ideaguy83]

You're correct in that some people are more gifted than others, and also that building awareness & listening skills can take time to develop.

As your DH has said you aren't doing them any favors when you don't give honest information to those you are exchanging sessions with as a student.

At the very least telling them what feels good to you & has a good result is positive feedback. You can certainly suggest that a particular move, or angle for a hold or a stroke could be more effective if they redirect it - change pressure, etc.

If there is something you don't like - or it hurts - you need to let them know as well. Everyone has preferences as to the type of work they like to receive, or give, so there will always be different points of view of course.

If the other students have a problem hearing what you have to say, they will have a harder time of it with their instructors or future clients who wouldn't want to come in to see them again. Personally I wanted all the feedback I could get as a student, but everyone is different. Be as positive & diplomatic as possible, while still being honest. Hopefully the others will thank you for it, as it's truely in their own best interest to listen & learn - whoever they are talking too!

 

[kayreo]

I'd be very surprised if this inability to speak your experience doesn't show up in other areas of your life as well.

By continuing to allow it, not only are you failing to provide other students with the valuable learning experiences it sounds like they've been providing you... you are doing so in service not to yourself, but to your fears and whatever else comprises this pattern.

The good news is that in the massage school context, you have a wonderful opportunity to shift your pattern in a safe environment with people who have given their permission for you to give feedback. It doesn't get better than that.

Don't let this opportunity pass you by—do whatever it takes to give more and better feedback... the value you receive back will ripple out into other areas of your life, and the lives of those you interact with in the future.

 

[broken haert]

Thanks so much for the insightful replies!

EM, do you know me?? :

What you said about me is true and I have awarness of it which I suppose is the first step. I'm making strides in the direction of positive improvement in those areas.

 

[Pompal 09.]

People are more similar than they are different, no?

I have awarness of it which I suppose is the first step. I'm making strides in the direction of positive improvement in those areas.

Absolutely. This is great. Keep working with it, and keep asking for help. Great step posting here. Have you also talked about this to any of your instructors? Friends/family that you trust? Counselor or minister or other guide?

 

[Dendra L]

I think that giving feedback to your fellow students could be a little trickier situation. Depending on their personality and yours, they could possibly think that you feel you are "know it all" or that you feel your skills are superior to theirs. From the tone of your post, it seems to me that you are very well intentioned and just want everyone to have good honest feedback. However, your fellow students may not see it that way if they are insecure. I do believe that you need to choose your words and delivery careful in this situation. You probably know the dynamics of your fellow classmates and that might make it easier for you.

I applaud you for wanting to give them honest feedback because it can only serve to make them better therapists.

 

[ThatBoyThamer]

Giving honest feedback is an important skill in all human interactions. This is an important opportunity to hone professionalism, tactful verbal skills, and your personal integrity while helping your fellow students.