I feel really angry - am I overreacting?

[J D]

Hi

I don't know if anyone else has come across this sort of thing.

I have recently started up my mobile reflexology business. I was chatting to my elderly neighbour yesterday and she asked if she could see my business cards. I took one out of my bag and she handed it to her newish elderly boyfriend, who immediately started pulling his shirt out of his trousers and then said "Right, lets start then". I was so stunned I was speechless and my neighbour quickly changed the subject, then we said our goodbyes.

It was some time later that I started feeling really angry. This is the second time the boyfriend has made what I would consider sexual references about my reflexology business and I feel he is being disrespectful and acting inappropriately.

I don't know what to do with my anger. Does anyone have any suggestion? Thanks.

Sandra x

 

[haloreachranks]

Hiya Sandra,

It would seem you feel perhaps he is disrespecting what is close to your heart, in fact where you heart energy flows, your healing therapy business.

Do you ground yourself, by that I mean acknowledging the anger which he triggered, and allowing it to flow to the earth and transmuted.

If he is ignorant to what reflexology or the complementary therapies are, you could

1. educate him, offer him a sample treatment, 10 mins perhaps, in the presence of his lady friend, and leave him mesmerised if you find conditions he would rather people didnt know about

2. laugh to yourself, say he has no idea, and walk away.

 

[viv]

Hi Sandra, I wouldn't touch his pervy feet if I were you. He wouldn't get any sort of taster from me. Next time he makes a reference like that, just give him one of your best dirty looks and say. Sorry but you're not really the sort of client i'm wanting to attract. If he asks you , what you mean, just reply. 'Oh, I think you know what I mean'.

It's not worth trying to educate people like that, who just want to take the mick out of what you are doing coz they don't understand it.

He obviously hasn't a clue what reflexology is!!

 

[uzeiluuxiluixqeox]

Or where his feet are.

Seriously, unfortunately there will allways be people like that out there.

My advise would be just to ignore him and if he says anything again just give him a look of disgust and leave.

Mind you that is not what I would say I cannot stand perverts, but there that’s me.

 

[samarira]

yes, the looking at him in silent disgust will work much better than raising to the bait.
I had the same problem when I used to catch the bus home from college still in my 'uniform'. when the bus driver found out what I was studying, he likened me to someone who would work in a massage parlour with a name like bubbles!!!

 

[Alexandria]

Have you ever had anyone ask you if you have a foot fetish? just because you're a reflexologist? I know a chiropodist who has the same problem with that one.

 

[Khaled]

Hi Sandra,

grrrhhhhhh.....i know you must of been furious, i think we all feel like that when we get those comments.

I have been dealing very well with my negative emotions and been teaching myself not to waste my energy on them and as much as an outburst telling him what you think may make you feel better initially if you are anything like me, afterwards you woudl end up beating yourself up over the way you reacted, which is wasted energy as well......I think having a moan on here or to a friend is whats needed and then let the anger go and decide he doesnt deserve any of your energy by thinking of his comments. I get that with people i see from time to time, who i know dont understand me and think i am a bit strange, whereas for years i let it get to me, now i rise above it and tell myself my energy is too important to waste on giving them any of it trying to explain or justify myself.

Jess xx

 

[Memster]

Thanks for all your replies, it helped to make me feel better.

I felt awful for thinking that he was being pervy because I always like to think the best of people, but to be honest, I think he really was being pervy.

The first incident that I mentioned in my post happened a few months ago. He had asked my neighbour to ask me if I would give him a reflexology treatment and I said yes no problem. Shortly after that my neighbour 'laughingly' told me that he had said "will we be in the bedroom when I have my treatment". I told my neighbour that I was a professional and took what I did seriously and because of his comment I wouldn't want to do a treatment on him now. She kept saying that he was only joking but accepted my decision.

I assume she didn't tell him exactly why I didn't do a treatment on him, I imagine she probably said I was too busy or something. Thats probably why he is continuing with the sexual references to reflexology. He must know its a foot treatment because my neighbour was one of my case studies when I was training. I think it just suits him to make these sort of tasteless comments.

Well, I have now calmed down a bit about the whole thing. I guess I reacted badly because I love what I do and don't understand how it can be associated with anything seedy. I guess there are just some people who will always use whatever they can to get some sort of attention, and I've decided not to give this man any attention.

He is staying with my neighbour for 2 weeks (he isn't local) and he TOLD me to let him know when I want my front grass cut!! I don't want him interfering in my life, I don't want anything to do with him.

And yes, it is a waste of my energy to think about what he says or does, so I'm going to get on with my own business and let him get on with his. Thanks for the feedback, its very much appreciated.

Sandra x

 

[wqwsqfzt]

Best attitude.

 

[kris84tine]

agree with Healistic ignore him.pretend you dont get the sexual references, dont even response as it will make him happy if you response.perverts love responses.on the other hand if you response in a way they get scared!like for example I used to be secretary of a club and the chairman used to tease me that we were having an affair and i used to laugh and take it well but after a while i got fed up so told him i wanted private word with him and i told him it be good idea if we have an affair you should have seen the look on his face he panicked lol!as i knew he wasnt serious and after this he stopped teasing me!

but the man sounds ugh to me so better avoid him and have nothing to do with him.two weeks will be up and you can breath a sigh of relief! but to be honest your neighbour doesnt seem to be bothered that her boyfriend is like that!that makes me think, that maybe she wouldnt mind if he would get treament from you?!

well i hope no more pervy comments from him .

Amethystfairy

 

[acaspaainq]

you just started your business and there might be men who are hoping for more than reflexology and or are thick doesnt know what it entails. have to put them in thier place! men!! cant live with them cant live without them!

Good luck in your business.
Amethystfairy

 

[PinkyMcFatfat]

Amethystfairy I think you're right, men that do this sort of thing can be easily frightened off when the tables are turned! I've heard a similar story before.

Its a real shame that they can be like this, it gives other more geniuine men a bad name.

I think some men do this either because they believe its acceptably amusing, or that they intend to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. If they thought about it for a minute they might see that it is very offensive.

Sandra x

 

[Lost and Found]

and some think they've still got it...........when they ain't.

 

[harrry]

I resemble that remark

 

[Q.B]

you could ask him if he thinks his feet are on his back or chest then laugh at him.
Or maybe ,ask his partner if he is always such a drip.