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- Aug 10, 2011
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let him know that i love him? It all started a few years ago when i fell in love with a friends brother - we had this friends with benefits relationship - yes i know weird,stupid,crazy - but it worked with the understanding to give space to each other but still the two of us were the couple when we went out or had a party somewhere and and and - unless we would like to start seeing someone else wish did happen in the end. I moved away and left it all behind me thinking life was going to be great - i thought i was over him and that it was over oh no newsflash - so i moved back about a year ago and Guess what on new years eve we see each other at a friends house and somehow i took him home (to his home - to drop him off) but offcours it did not stay by dropping off it had to go further i new this was going to happen but the nice person that i am i took him home so we kisses and hell no one can compete with this man! More could off happened but i did not let this happen for the reason my head was stronger than my heart - and still little scared to get hurt like the previous time - since then we've been in contact - we've chatted via sms and phone had a glass of wine or two but no further. I can't go through a day without thinking of him, i can't go to sleep without thinking of him he just messed up my mind completely and i do not know how to get rid of it. i really do still love him but now that i'm older i do not want the 20 year old relationship we had i want more actually i need more. He's 38 now also went through allot actually allot happened before we met ( he is about 10 years older than me) with this girl F-ing up his life by cheating on him and lots more that i do not feel is my part to share. This time though it is different because i'm not sure if i should take this further or not - every time i see him i go all 20 year old on myself again and i even sound different to myself - him on the other hand i can't read at all - one hand it feels like he is playing games with me and i know he knows me way to well not to know whats going on and on, the other he is really sincere even as i'm writing this i feel so confused i don't know myself what i want and what i don't. How can i make things clear and come to a conclusion between the two of us - i do not want to lose him as a friend as-well but also i do not know if taking the bull by the horns is the best thing either what will he think? i'm not good at making myself clear in person when it come to my personal life but in writing i'm a little better i think - i'm to self conscious/scared in staring the bull right in the face. (i'll rather stare a real bull in the face)
Can't wait for your emails and answers - i feel so helpless
Can't wait for your emails and answers - i feel so helpless