Serious question from a new student

[space monkey]

Hi, I was just wondering if anyone here has ever had a problem with there significant other because of massage therapy?

I just started school and my fiancé is having serious issues with me being in school. See, in class we have to be fully nude while on the table. Of course we are draped and you never see anything besides the part that you are working on. It is completely professional but I just can't seem to make him understand that.

I really love my school and feel very passionately about this profession but at the same time I love him with all my heart and I want him to feel comfortable as well. He is such a wonderful man but just can't seem to get over this. I was just wondering if any of you have any tips on how to address this. I want to be able to come home and talk to him about my school without worrying about him getting upset.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance, NaTisha

 

[rpobsession]

I was married before I started massage school. One of the last fights me and my husband had was about me massaging another man. He did not want my hands touching another mans body. Nothing I said made him change his point of view. Needless to say... I am now a Licensed Massage Therapist and divorced for 2 years this coming January. Grant it we had other issues besides that. But no one was going to stop a dream I had since I was 8 years old.

Have you ever massaged him like you do in class? Or had him watch you massage someone else to show him what its about?

 

[SCOTT M]

Agreed. Use him as a practice body- and keep it strictly professional. Or have him go get a massage at the student clinic or from a graduate of your school. It seems that he just doesn't know exactly what you do- and what better way to find out than personal experience.

 

[Shalene]

Hi NaTisha,

I wouldn't recommend having him watch you massage someone else. If he's the jealous type, he might have a really hard time picturing your hands on anyone, or anyone's hands on you in any way.

I like Palpable's suggestion of having him get a professional massage from someone else, so he understands what it's about.

Another idea: Do you know any female MT's who are married, whose spouses are totally fine with the situation? Or maybe even one of your fellow students whose SO's are fine with their being in massage school? Maybe you could set up a meeting with your SO & one of those men, so he could ask them questions about how they handle it.

 

[bellz_chick]

I think the suggestion of him receiving a professional massage may help him understand what it is you do. I also like the idea about speaking to the spouses/partners of other MTs. Heck, talk to mine! He's been extremely supportive and respectful of my work. It's just never been an issue with us.

 

[Amber S]

When I first started school we had a few students drop out for the reasons that their SO's did not want the student to give OR receive massage :roll: to/from anyone of the opposite sex.

Is this not something that is discussed before enrolling in a program? If not by the student at least in the course presentation or school interview?

We also had a student drop out because she didn't know we had to undress in class. Now this I know was discussed prior to my enrollment.

I wonder what people are thinking sometimes. Even the students that enroll prior to EVER receiving massage themselves. :shock:

 

[Jon C]

I wonder what people are thinking sometimes. Even the students that enroll prior to EVER receiving massage themselves. :shock:

I've actually seen some schools now require a signed form by a licensed therapist that you have received a professional massage before being accepted for enrollment.

There were serveral in my class that had never had a massage before.

 

[Sam Y]

You had to have received at least 2 professional massages before you were accepted into my MT school.
And I've heard that at least one other school here in WI requires the potential student to have had at 2 massages prior to starting MT school, as I've had to write a letter to the student's school saying that she'd received a massage from me.
I think it's a good idea for them to have received massage before they start school... seems a lot of students in my area get $$ signs in their eyes and don't really seem to have a good idea of what the issues we face daily really are. :roll:

 

[Eiginh]

If someone is going to work on him, start him out with chair work. Maybe even from an administrator or faculty member at the school. Someone who will take his concerns seriously but maybe also jolly him along.

 

[Sludge]

is it the nudity part that he objects to? would he be more comfortable if you wore underclothing, like a thong (for access to the glutes)?
is he worried how you get onto the table without being seen?

 

[loz]

It is very hard to succeed in school and in this business without a good support system. It can be emotionally and physically draining. I think it's important that you get this issue straightened out with your fiance before continuing.....with the school program, or perhaps with the engagement.

It could be that he just doesn't totally understand how you are getting on the table and perhaps isn't sure if the proper draping really is being done. I agree that him receiving massage at the clinic or from a professional therapist may help with this.

If that doesn't help solve the issue, then I would have some concerns about the relationship. I would wonder what else he will be jealous of in the future. The children that come into the marriage? Male co-workers? Nights out with gal-pals?

I would also be concerned about his support. People who are in love usually support one another. Sometimes they don't totally agree with them, but they do support them. If something is going to make my husband happy, I'm all for it.....unless of course it is illegal or immoral, which has never been a concern. To me, a loved one who withdraws support and who makes you feel uncomfortable talking about something that is important to you and makes you happy, is exercising a form of control over you.

I can understand why it might not have been something you thought to discuss prior to enrolling in class. The thought may never have crossed your mind. It certainly didn't cross my mind. I'm not sure if I knew you had to be completely undressed under those sheets. It might have been a surprise, but it was never an "issue". It never occurred to me that my husband might have any concerns about it. In my mind, it was completely professional and that's the way I always treated it. If he did have any reservations, I'm guessing it was all quickly resolved as time passed and he came to realize that it was all very professional. I worked on him all along the way. At first we started with the head and then the arms, etc. By the time we got to anywhere that might be a little "uncomfortable" for anyone, we were all much more relaxed and I think anybody's significant other had time to get comfortable about it.

Good luck and Keep us posted!

 

[Steven J]

How do you dress when you go to school?? Are you in proffessional attire? Or are you wearing the same clothes you wear every day?

When I was in school there were plenty of young women who wore low riders with a thong hanging out in the back. They also tended to wear shirts that exposed thier midriff rather easily. If this is how you normally dress, and your boyfriend has it in his mind that you are very attractive that way, well, he will assume other men (fellow students, clients) will find you attractive as well.

Break out the old grannie undies, pants that go up to you waist, and top it with a shirt that is buttoned up to your collar. There is an old saying that the clothes make the man. Well, they also make an MT or in your case student. Personally, I would think twice about getting a massage from an MT who is wearing hubba hubba clothes.

Always speak of massage in a proffessial way with your boyfriend. Have him help you study. Show him just how much hard work is involved in this. Hopefully he will come around.

 

[From Cow-leaf-or-ny]

KneadedMassage words are excellent insight and advice. Please look very close and honestly to see if there are other things in your relationship that your future husband has issues with. Best to have it all out on the table now rather then after you have married. I am not saying that they are not things you can't work out, but aknowledgment of what is there is the first step. And I agree that being very professional and never allowing anything romantic to happen while you are working on him is also good advice.
Best of luck and hopefully he will see what this means to you and learn about it and be supportive.

 

[Bella&BO]

Break out the old grannie undies, pants that go up to you waist, and top it with a shirt that is buttoned up to your collar. There is an old saying that the clothes make the man. Well, they also make an MT or in your case student. Personally, I would think twice about getting a massage from an MT who is wearing hubba hubba clothes.

I'm not sure I agree with this. If a massage therapist has to dress unattractively to make her partner comfortable with her profession, there are much bigger issues underlying the relationship. Grannie panties? ugly pants and shirts to the neck?

I wear Levi's and a fitted, short-sleeve v-neck tshirt nearly every day. (Levi's because they are comfortable, wash well, are stretchy and if I get oil on them it washes out on hot.) While dressing like you're going to a nightclub is inappropriate for a massage therapist, I don't think getting ugly is any better a solution. Besides, a guy who is jealous of someone massaging his g/f or his g/f massaging a male client, is likely going to be jealous no matter what she is wearing.

If the problem is that he doesn't understand the professionalism, then he needs a clear-cut demonstration. Several people here have suggested he go and get a professional massage so he can understand what is involved. I agree that is a good idea, but I can tell you this didn't fully work with my husband. He was uncomfortable when someone else gave him massage unless he was fully clothed, and aroused if I gave him a professional massage... because I'm his wife. In his mind, he felt that if he was aroused, even when I was behaving professionally, then any other man would be too.

What I ended up doing with him, and I realize this may spark some controversy, I gave him an erotic massage. I told him beforehand that I wanted to show him the difference. The next day we talked about the difference, and he understood very clearly after that. I also explained to him how I felt and what I would do IF there were ever a problem with a client NOT understanding the difference.

Also, when I was working on him professionally, I never let it go to something else. I remember once telling him that if he grabbed my leg again during the massage, massage time would be over. LOL! IOW, to get a real massage, he had to behave like a real client, not a horny husband.

This worked very well for us, but then again, my husband trusts me and trusts my judgement. Plus he's not a particularly jealous or suspicious individual.

Maybe this will work for you, maybe it won't.

I agree though, with what Kneaded says about whether he can be supportive, and how hard it will be on you if he isn't. I've read comments that the split-up rate is over 80% among alternative care practitioners. It's better to figure out now that there is a problem, and decide what to do about it, than later after you are married and dependent on one another.

 

[naveen a]

Sounds like you have gotten a lot of really good suggestions. I hope you're able to work it out because I'd hate for you to be part of that 80% that BreatheBodywork mentioned. (80%? :shock: )

Fortunately for me, my husband has zero problem with my involvement in this profession. However, on the first day of school, our teacher gave us a bit of advice: Never have sex with your significant other on the table. Unfortunately, that came from personal experience, because from that point on her husband was never able to disassociate sex from massage. Obviously that relationship didn't end well. It wasn't something I had considered doing anyway, but she made an interesting point.

Please let us know how things go. And remember two things:
1. Don't ever compromise yourself to appease someone else
2. You've always got a huge support group here, no matter what. t056

 

[HEIMAT]

Never have sex with your significant other on the table

:iagree:

business is business and pleasure is pleasure and never the two shall meet.

(although i understand why breathe provided a demo for her hubby. it's obviously not something that continues.)

 

[solstice_baby]

Never have sex with your significant other on the table

:iagree:

business is business and pleasure is pleasure and never the two shall meet.

(although i understand why breathe provided a demo for her hubby. it's obviously not something that continues.)

Maybe I should also add that the erotic massage did NOT take place on the massage table. I agree that sex should never happen on the massage table.

 

[Elvis]

Maybe I should also add that the erotic massage did NOT take place on the massage table. I agree that sex should never happen on the massage table.

sorry, i misunderstood

 

[Young Love]

Thank you all so much!!!

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to all of you. First off I want to say thank you SO much! I wasn't expecting for so many people to give me advice and that really means a lot to me.

I have talked with him about getting a massage at the clinic that my school holds on the weekends and he is considering doing that, we just haven't had that time with work and school. I did borrow a table from one of my classmates though and I think that may have helped a bit. But just as with anything else, that may change.

To Shannon, I really don't think that having him watch me give someone a massage would be a good idea. While he may see that nothing is going on that shouldn't and it help the situation, it might also feed the jealousy that he feels so I would rather not chance it.

To Blisss, about setting up a meeting between him and a classmates spouse, I'm not so sure that is a good idea either because I don't think he would be very happy with me if he knew that I was talking to others about this insecurity.

To Pygmalion, I did know that I would have to give and receive massages from other people but I really didn't think that it would be that big of an issue. Maybe I just didn't want to believe it but either way I didn't really talk to him about that. He was there for most of my meetings before school ever started so I assumed that he would say something if he did have a problem with it. I've never viewed it as anything bad so I didn't think that anyone else would either, maybe that's just ignorance on my behalf.

To Mush, the nudity is a issue for him but we are not allowed to wear underclothing as it serves as a barrier and would hinder us from being able to do full body connective strokes. (although women can when it is that time of the month) We are taught at my school that if you have a barrier on then we can only do half drapes when it comes to the legs which would make you unable to connect the lower part of the body with the upper part. And I have told him that we get undressed on the table under the tented sheet but he is afraid that someone will try to peak when I am undressing.

Okay, that's all I have time for right now, I have to study for my test before class. I will answer the rest of you later tonight.

Again, thank you so much for all of your kind words and advice.

~NaTisha

 

[Irish Bear]

Natisha,

All of the suggestions as far as demonstrations, getting a massage, explanation of draping ect are all excellent. But I think perhaps the most important conversation is the one with your fiance in which you explain to him that this is something that you've wanted all of your life and something you really want to do.

Afterall we all know that bodywork/massage isn't something you choose but something that chooses you. I think we all do bodywork not because we choose to do it, but because we have to do it to express who we are, and why we were put on this world.

And then what I would do is just listein to his thoughts and feelings and be patient with him. If in the end he just doesn't get it, well he doesn't get you also and I'm sure it'll come out in other areas of the relationship.

Come on we all know what happens if you give up your passion for someone else, you'll end up resentful and hurt and the relationship would suffer no matter what else you have going on.

Good luck and enjoy your schooling and your new profession. I always say and even get in arguments about it, but massage is perhaps the toughest profession you'll ever do. You have to deal with your clients stuff, your stuff, and just the pure physical demands that bodywork places on the body. But as they say where the sacrifices are high the rewards are sweet.

Jason