hope this helps
I must let you know I am 22 and I am trying to find out the same but I am the new woman figure in my fiances girls eyes. I have not met them yet, wil be this weekend. They are ages 3 and 1 year olds girls. I am very excited but been doing some research on parenting and came across many facts of slowly introducing your partner to your children. I see the reasoning. I mean I wouldnt really want to just drop in a new person like my father did, but now that I am in the adult shoes my perspective is a little different. My boyfirend and I are planning to get married and I have not met his daughters yet. His ex- wife is struggling her lifestyle for her girls. I understand she is wanting to prove a point but reality is dragging her down. I have never spoke/ met her yet this is just what I am understanding since I have been with my boyfriend. Which also we have been together for about 5 months, although we are the same graduating class and he has a twin brother whom i knew more in high school. He is in the military and we have decided to get married. I kinda feel like I am not doing this in a proper manner for the sake of his girls. Then again with him begining his time in the military he has not physically been 24/7 there for his girls, due to orders, which is difficult upon his heart and mind. The mother wants to meet me and we have an opportunity to be with the girls this weekend and he was thinkin about introducing me to them. I want to very much. I dont know if this is helping you at all. I guess what I can say towards your road block is that YOU must find a assurance within yourself of testing and verifying if this lady you have been sharing yourself with is 200% willing to be a part of YOUR family. And YOU must make sure SHE understands what it will take to be involved with your family. It will be cruetial to your child for meeting her and she does not stay strong for the rest of yall's lives. ya know i can give you some websites for your lady to look at and find in herself what she wants to do. From what I have collected of knowledge so far, keep things VERY simple between your lady and child to begin with. build the trust between your lady and child, and that also falls upon her...if she is REALLY ready to become a roll in your childs life there is MUCH...MUCHO.... to learn and be able to give from her to your child. and you must also find within your self ' is ____ the woman I want to share my entire self and life with my child for the rest of my life' i have heard these words many different times. things sound the way they sound, but this time when you really realize and learn in life something changes that sound, that meaning even though they are the same words. ' is this person really have the strength as a woman to be a part of my childs life?' can you tell if she is willing to give an extra bit of love, care, activities, etc. for your child? I hope I am helping and not tieing your mind up more. To introduce this outside person to your child...you can ask many people what they think...but what it all boils down to is you. You are their DADDY. Your child rely's upon your trust. is this other person trust worthy? My biggest problem since my parents split is abanding from my father and in security from my mother. both parents screwed me and my little bro....temporarily. we make who we want to be. WE DO. no one else but ourselves. It has taken me half my life to figure out myself. others i have realize get more involve with society, the world, drugs, substances of any sort to escape their problems, when you really find the time to manage your life and having a child thats real. being in a relationship...its like playing with fire. depending on how close you want to be and stay warm or burn your self, or put it out with water....life is about balance and you can only figure it out. guidance and support is amazing. I am discovering that currently. I advise you to find health positive people whom have similiar complications as you and connect with a support group. not saying to become fully interactive that will come within time but same for your lady. becoming one from a broken family....its the sake of your child to help that seed grow and be a beautiful painting throughout time and to choose wisely whom will be there to see it. hope i helped. wish you my greatest amount of luck!
krk