Some Unusual Sessions..

[carbefangirl]

hey guyz, here's a historical review of a most unusual session i had. Gal's name was Jessica (no longer in the biz) ...i saw her last year at Venus.

Feel free to add some unusual reviews of your own::

This was one huge disaster session, but great for laughs ( at a much much later time).

Jessica was about 23, 5'8", and about 135 lbs...Asked her how open minded she was, and she said very openminded. So I asked "do you offer kissing?" and she hesitated and said Sure. then I asked her "Can I get a bbbj?" and again she hesitated, then said Okay. I asked her if she offers oral on her, but she said no.

So I asked about price...she quoted me 170 for half hour and 180 for 45 minutes. She has a pretty face, and an okay body, so I said sure. When I was taking out the donation from my wallet, she upsold me , saying Why don't you go for full service? 220...I'll make it worth your while, she says. I said all right, me being the soft hearted sucker dat I am.

I get showered..she comes back in the room, sees my condom (I bring my own, extra extra mini smalls) on the bathtub top, and asks if they're mine. YUp...then she picks up my pooning cell phone which is on the chair, and I tell her "Thats mine", and , boy, she blows up and takes offence, saying "Sure., I'll take it and run away". in a very sarcastic manner. I try to calm her down, and she seems okay with calming down.

She takes her clothes off, and she has one of the biggest hairiest bush I've ever seen, uncut (dat baby been never seen a razor in its entire life).. I'm talking Big Bush, Giant Bush, Jungle Bush, more Bush than George Dubya!! Good thing I did'nt agree to daty!!

She then tells me not to tell anyone about kissing and her offering bbbj, cause she doesn't do it at all... yahhh right!!!...I musta caught her on her feel good day...lucky me!!

I lie down on the table and she comes to the side, and starts kissing me..lots and lots of spit and tongue...ugh!! After a couple minutes of this, she goes down on me for the bj, but she musta found it distasteful, because she's using lots and lots, great gobs of drool and spit, and her technique was terrible, just a lot of bobbing up and down, no sucking or licking.

I'm trying to make her feel better, so I'm sugaring her up with "You're pretty, you're pretty" to which she keeps insisting she's ugly, she's ugly.

I hop on for mish, and she's now asking me all sorts of personal questions, how old am I? Am I married? Kids? How old do I think she is? She's saying she's 12 years old, and do I like 12 year olds?

Then she starts grimacing up her face and growling!! and then starts to produce spittle around her mouth to simulate cum. Oh brother! It's as if she's deliberately trying to turn me off. Meanwhile, I'm dutifully pumping away like a jackrabbit on speed, while she's lying there.

And then...peeeeyouuuuu..!!!! when I was pumping away in mish, she stuck her finger in her nose and then held up her finger under my nose for me to smell. I thought that she had stuck her finger up her ass, it smelt that bad...Finally, I faked an orgasm to get out of there.

After I pull out, I take off the condom, and she's asking me how come there's no cum, to which I lied that I had a sterilization operation. I showered up, and she joined me in the shower, and she asked me if i liked her. I said yes, but that she's got issues, and she almost blew up.

Finally, she dried off and left the room, never to come back.. I dressed, and when I exited I saw her in the staff room, munching a sandwich. Boy, was I glad to skedaddle the hell out of there.

 

[mom of 2]

OMG dude, that was hilarious! I think I will go back and read it again it was so funny! It is a good thing you can laugh about it now but I"m sure you were not laughing then.

Thanks.

 

[ImpacT]

That girl definitely was in the business for the wrong reasons...

 

[Pompal 09.]

ewww, is that what they mean about a brown noser? At least she didnt say "pull my finger"

my sessions are boring, the only unusual thing I can think of was a girl giving me a toy to take home and practice with.

 

[Vengeance of God]

Great post.

That's why I usually stay with the well reviewed ladies.

Sometimes I'll venture out now and then and try to find a gem, but not near as much as before.

 

[Ron]

ya chicken shit commie coward!!!

 

[Boban]

i was puking up my guts shartly after, an was seriously contemplating quitting poonin at de time..

 

[mr_j526]

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read on this board. It belongs in the "Best of massageplanet" section

 

[Pompal 09.]

I officially feel like one of the most lucky guys in the world after reading your post.

I have had a session where I am happily romping away and the cell phone rings... she says "One second..." and ANWERS IT!!!!! Can you say... time to leave... lol. Needless to say... it was NOT a repeat.

Then you get those sessions where you think the girl is afraid of penis because she seems to clamp her legs together in such a manner that you can only get the tip in... if you are lucky. I had one girl that did that and I looked at her and said "If you don't want to do this, maybe you shouldn't offer it or even be here. I can just go see another girl."

Usually it is only the new girls to the hobby that have this issue though... and quite frankly... the really young ones.

oh yeah... there was one SP I did once... not sure how she could be an SP with such a variety of sizes. When we started doing the wild thing, we had to use so much lube to even get me inside that I was surprised (Giva @ My Asian Baby). I thought for sure I was going to split her in half! She definitely squirmed pretty hardcore. She made a statement afterwards that has stuck in my mind ever since....
"That was like a German Sheppard fucking a Chihuahua!"
I have not gone back to see her again. I really don't want to hurt the poor girl.

 

[soccergirl]

ROTF.... just how big is gumbyboy, anyways??? on de other hand, at least you waren't de chihuahua Mimi at Paul's place right now (south side) is exactly like that..i had to go reallly really slow and easy in every position..

 

[im_a_goofy_chick]

hehe... I don't think I am "THAT" big, but many SPs are a nice snug fit. I think it is more that I am thick... leastwise that seems to be the common statement. GiVa is definitely one of those snug fits. LOL

 

[Yobitza]

lol...had to laugh out loud when Mimi went down to gimme a bj, she measured out the length of my monkeyboy with her fingers, smiled and gave me a thumbs up..my ego approved, but my big head says she probably dose that for all of us field mice and hamster kinda guyz..

 

[scaerdrys]

I can't say that there ever was 1 really unusual session but I have had numerous strange things happen to me.

I booked a session with a new girl in town thinking I would toftt but instead paid $$$ for a cbj. She told me that I hadn't paid for msog and that I better leave because her driver was coming.

I pulled an envelope out of my pocket and tried to hand it to a girl......she started crying and I thought what ****. Turns out she thought it was a letter containing a summons.

I was getting undressed and took a blackberry phone from my pocket. The girl that I was with got very scared. She thought it was a policemans badge.

I went to see a girl that looked really good in a craigslist pic. The whole session was very nice until we got down to business in doggie. This girl could not contain herself and let out a wet fart. She apologized saying that she hadn't been feeling well at all. I immediately headed for the shower and got out of there.

 

[xEmmywemix]

Well, I had a groaner of a session this weekend, only dis time at a micro , of all places...

But , to understand de context of dis session, you first hafta read my friend Amanut's review of his session wid Bella of CandyXXX:



So i called up dis new asian micro which just started advertising in CL..lots of ads, lots of fake photos, lots of different phone numbers...i get de address, drive over..and goddamn, de location is right close by, very close , to a disturbing institution..strike one.

anyhoos, trin is horny as hell, 3 day wood, so i get de room numbah and head on up..greeted at de door by a gorgeous brunette, bout 5'6", wonderful face and figure..she is effusive in her greetings, big hug "Oh honey, welcome"..2nd gal is dere, she intruduces me, but de udder one is not as attractive, so I stick wid de first one..I had called asking for an appointment wid Kimmy/Niko..de tall one is Niko..

We go into de room..i strip down..off to de shower. I'm expecting sopam..accompanied shower etc..Instead, WTF, i take de shower by myself just like i'm at a regular asian MP..anyhoos, i shower up and off to de bedroom..

She begins wid a wonderful tits massage on my back, rubbing those lovely breasts over my back and ass..i turn over and she does the same for my front..i'm liking this..I try to kiss but no kissing..she then goes down on me and starts the bls..okaaaaay,,this is really good..as i am anticipating the bbbj, she stops., looks up at me with her lovely brown eyes, and says "Honeeeeeee, if you want blow job, no condom, twenty dollahs mo'..you want???"..Fuck , what am i gonna say??!!

I nod my head and say "yes"..but then she says "twenty dalla first"... so I have to get up offa de bed, bring out a 20 from my wallet and lay it down on the dresser.

We resume..the bbbj is awesome..and i want to return the favor, so we switch and she lays on her back, and i start to rub her posse...but she stops me..she says I have to use a condom for Digits!!!!

wtf..never had that b4...but i'm all primed , so she pulls out a condom, puts it over my outstretched 2 fingers, and lubes it up!. I start fingering her clit and lips, and it don't feel too bad, just kinda weird..I ask her if i can do daty..she nods okay and i'm off to de races..

I stick my head down, burrowing like a gopher diving for cover into his honey hole..i'm licking, sucking, slurping, swirling..just having a blast..

Damn, her phone rings..she picks it up while i'm doing daty and answers it..Yes, she says, 4 lovely girls today, she say..come by, address is *******, room number is *****, is only 180 for full service session..

In de meantime, fuck it all, i'm not stopping, i keep going with my best daty moves, her legs wide open, all de time she's talking on de phone!!

Apparently, She's de female manager of the operation!!..another couple minutes of daty...damn, her second phone rings!! she be got 2 phones...but dis time, her second phone is in her bag on the floor..she says "excuse me honeyy", she crosses her left leg over my head, picks up the phone to answer it, and this time, she answers in chinese..seems de male booker is telling her about some other guy wanting an appointment..

She comes back...i resume daty pretty something fierce...a few minutes, her second phone rings again.."excuse me, honeeyy"..same procedure..

The damn fucking 2nd phone rings 3 more times while i'm at daty, and i start to laugh inside..i'm thinking "i got dat fucker amanut's session with Bella beat by a country mile"..

She comes back, ...more daty..and then, what's next??!! the Fucking 2nd lady knocks on de door..talk in chinese..customer is apparently here.."Excuse me, honeeey"..she gets up, puts on her robe, goes out the room to greet the customer and then comes back in.

All the while, i havent' changed my position on de bed...i'm laying on my tummy with a hard on, a condom over my 2 fingers, and lube on my lips as lip gloss...and killing myself laughing inside..."amanut, i got you beat by a country mile, budyy".

She comes back in and says "you got 2 minutes more"...i whine to her "but..but you answered the phone 5 times while i was here"..so she agrees to give me 5 minutes...on wid de condom, and I start pumping away...

I'm pumping furiously, like Leduc Number one...I'm trying to make out like Two Pump Chump...I'm forcing it, pretending l'm taking a dump...I picture how Fuzzy would do it, like Thumper...thump, thump, thump..nothin's happening..

One mo' minute, she says, picking up and looking at her phone from the dresser drawer..I go into over drive...I put her legs around my elbows, i got her feet around her ears..I cave under de time pressure and cant pull off an orgasm.."time's up", she says and i roll offa her,

She gets up, i go to de shower alone...and she heads off to de next customah..As i'm leaving, i see her heading into de 2nd shower for de next guy..

Amanut, i got you beat!!!

 

[Game tech]

I had a weird experience and not your average bad session. Out of respect to the reputable agency I won’t give any info regarding that and at the peril of my own reputation I will tell the story.

It was a free session so I told the booking agent I would see any girl they wanted me to. One girl had no reviews so he asked if I would see her, no problem. Talked with the booking agent on the phone, got hotel and particulars, everythings good. Arrived right on time, I’m always punctual. I had fresh cut lilacs I brought from home hoping to make a good impression. Knocked on the door a few times and no answer. Called the booking agent back, kept waiting and at 10 after she answered the door, said she was in the bathroom. No biggie, I'm easy going and understanding. I try to be nice, give her the flowers and get acquainted. She just threw the flowers on the counter, didn't even smell them and I like lilacs, I made sure to wrap them in wet paper towel and plastic baggy. So I got a glass and put them in it, she has already disappeared lol.

I enter the bedroom and she is flipping through channels on the tv, and pays no attention to me at all. Again, I am very nice and polite and suggest a shower, to which she replies, yeah there should be a clean towel in there. I had a shower and she is still flipping through channels, leaves it on some talk show. I'm naked, she's pretending not to notice me and I have to walk around the bed so I can get on. Then she says she has to make a call, she has to extend her reservation on the room another day. I'm still being as nice as possible, it's a free session and only 30 mins so I wasn't expecting too much. So then I try to get things started, she is still dressed so I just try a little soft touching. I have never seen a girl so disinterested, she just nonchalontly says so do you wanna talk first or get started. Huh? Um, it's 20 minutes into the half hour so yeah, I said lets get started please. But then theres a knock at the door and she spends a couple minutes talking to the chamber maid about something.

When she gets back I'm still smiling and making the best of it. She starts with a BJ, very uninspired and I only mention it for the fact she stops after barely getting started to ask if she can bum a couple smokes after, I almost laughed out loud. Yeah, no problem dear, now can I help you undress? She gets up and takes her clothes off, still bra and panties on. I really tried to be patient and respectful but when I tried helping her with the bra she got up again and finished disrobing. OK, I can be a little grabby sometimes, but I'm never like that until after I know a girl for a while and have a better idea of what I can try. This agency prides itself on GFE and ensuring the girls provide that service but aside from what is advertised I really had no expectations. I asked her if kissing was ok, she nodded but it was one closed mouth peck on the lips, no point in pursuing that. I asked if DATY was ok, again she said yes but kept her legs closed. I tried to be gentle and caring and make her comfortable but it was obvious she wasn't, and this is where it got weird.

She broke down, uncontrollable, inconsolable despair. I was shocked, nothing has ever happened to me like that. I immediately got her a clean towel so she could cover and bury her face in tears. I didn't know what to do, tried my best to calm her, reassure her, sympathize but she wouldn't stop crying. I got dressed again but all I could think was I can't touch her or hold her or anything, whatever was going on I triggered it and I felt terrible. I got her calmed down a bit with a couple of cigarettes and she asked if I would call the agency. Then she starts telling me how in Montreal there is never kissing or DATY and stuff, and she comes here and that is all guys want. She was 19 and it's way too overwhelming for her. I called the agency and explained, she talked to the girl herself. I stayed just a bit longer and she seemed better, I wanted to make sure she would be all right. I trusted the agency though so I figured she would be looked after. Once I got into the hallway I broke down myself, it was all very emotional and a harsh taste of reality. I talked with agency management once back in my truck, he wasn't so understanding being that he deals with the girls and some of the shit they pull but regardless he fired her, I just wanted to make sure she gets back home and that was taken care of.

It was a bad situation but honestly I'm glad it happened with me. I'm not sure how some guys would react but being how it started out so poorly it could have gotten a lot worse with the wrong guy. I think I know how hard it can be on the girls sometimes but I could never be prepared for something like that and realized my empathy has been lacking.

Don’t know if that beats you guys or not, it’s not every day I make the girls cry.

 

[Vina]

That is probably your best post ever Pard.
Honest, real, and illustrates how some gals trying to break into this industry feel.

I'm glad it was you and not some idiot.
I feel sorry for the gal, she doesn't have the ability to compartmentalize staying with a guy for money. She would be better off waitressing.

Some guys make gals lose some of their soul. I think you probably gave her a bit back by being nice Pard.

 

[amtserg]

Great post pard.

I know I'm really new to this but it just enforces in me how important it is to really respect these girls.

To me they are very important part of my life at the moment and some of these experiences I'm going to take with me forever.

I'm still hoping (fingers crossed) to only ever have great experiences.

but I'm a pretty nice guy so I think that just might be possible, oh and I do my best to read all the reviews and research a person first.

 

[My Business Plan]

Ok, Trin, you got me on that one. Then again, when I get them to DATY I pin em. Your fault for leaving her left leg free, but good move to keep your head down when she swung it. Where you don't have me is that in twelve minutes I was done and out which made me the two pump champ. Just like my ex said.

 

[Rikku]

Was doing a tag team with a sweet young thing who liked to kick her feet when she was coming

She was bent over the bed, my buddy receiving an oral massage and I was doing doggy then

Just as I pulled out and got the head inside the Hershey highway, BAM! a heel right in the nuts...

Down and out for the count

 

[judy.gideon]

Man, I've had the occasional bad session but nothing like the ones TrinTrin described. I think I've faked finishing about three times in my pooning life just to cut my losses and get out of there. The worst for me is when you go down for some nice DATY and all you can smell is pee. Yuck!!!