struggling with internship

[ILOVEYAHOOANSWERS]

hi fellow students. the college that i go to has us complete our internship on site. we do 160 hours of interning in the massage therapy rooms here at school once we've passed anatomy and massage therapy courses. but to get the certificate we must compelte the internship (probably not unlike many schools out there)

i have about 60 hours to go and i am really struggling with one big issue. the men who come in for massage get aroused every single time...not only that but they all want me to "focus" on their thighs or buttocks (trigger points for arousal right?)

i dont want to stereotype but the clients who come in for these $20 student massages are usually older males. i am the only female interning right now and so while my male classmates get zero clients, I'm seem to be packed with perverts.

now i know an erection doesn't mean the guy is a perv...it's a normal physical reaction...but there is something uneasy, something i can't quite put my finger on that really grosses me out about many of these guys. the fact that they redirect me to their inner thigh area or butt and then ask me to massage under the sheet with oil ( massage with the sheet on near the nether-region) and then they're asking about my personal life..so on and so forth. what do i do? how do i get these men to respect me as a therapist and not cross the line of suggestion and innuendo?

any suggestions would be much appreciated. ~shannon

 

[Dianne G]

You have the right to refuse to work on anyone. The first specific I would go for is to refuse to work under the drape, and do not let the client direct your use of lubricant.

Please consider talking to the school about not allowing the clinic clients to choose their student therapist. At $20 a massage, they are not paying for everything you get when you go to a spa or private practitioner. The clients should be assigned a student therapist -- this gives the male students plenty of clients and potentially reduces inappropriate targeting of female students.

Erection every time with those specific "target" requests every time, is abuse of the therapist, and a clear pattern. I hope you have spoken to the school about this. Also, the school needs to be helping you handle these guys.

 

[Mad Scientist...]

:iagree: Very well stated. You are a student. The instructors and admin should be supporting you and helping you deal with these issues. That is part of what school is for. Best of luck to you.

BTW You have every right to say "NO" and walk out of a session.

 

[chrissy b]

Firstly I'm sorry to hear you are having so many issues. I started this post many hours ago, but got interrupted. So my thought are similar to those already stated.

Have you talked to your program directors? Why aren't some of these clients being directed to the male students? If they are coming for student massages, then they should take whomever is available.

Are you seeing repeat clients? Or new ones each time?

Make your boundaries firm. No massage under the sheet, and if someone truly creeps you out, you have every right to walk out.

 

[imogen]

Talk to the school, there isn't a thing we can do here.

That this happens so often, you need to reflect on what you might be doing to contribute. I don't mean this to be rude, some ppl are naturally flirty, your touch could be to light, ect. Don't allow them to engage you in chat either. Be quick with your answers, eventually they will get the hint. OR tell them chat needs to be limited to necessary words, concerning pressure, ect.

 

[Chris H]

Hmmm, I don't particularly like the notion that it's anyone's "fault" for attracting unwanted sexual attention. Especially given the atmosphere she's working in, it isn't at all unlikely that this has been going on for a long time, with the all of the female practitioners before her. The school is doing a lot of things wrong here, first and foremost of which is clearly not preparing her for this eventuality and giving her good advice on how to deal with it!

Shanshanwinks, you definitely need to speak with whoever is in charge of the internship program, and of the school.

One, they shouldn't be favoring female practitioners over male with scheduling. It's not like the male's are paying less for their education! They deserve to be getting just as much experience!

Two, they should be doing a better job to protect their students! Does an instructor every check in with you during massage? Have they told you how to handle an uncomfortable situation? Who to go to if you're concerned?

A few words of advice:
Never do anything you feel uncomfortable with. You're the professional. You get to decide where and how to massage, and whether or not it will be over or under the sheet.

If you feel like someone is getting inappropriate during glute massage, locate that piriformis insertion and give them some nice deep work there ( ; Or maybe some MFR on the iliosacral ligaments... =P Okay, okay, so don't torture them, but if someone is getting creepy, some less-relaxing legitimate therapeutic work might be the "cold shower" they need to get their minds elsewhere. I guess my point is, if they're in for relaxation, and they're asking you to "work" certain areas, work those areas. Real treatment work in these areas is often uncomfortable. And what do you have to lose? Their business? If you're gut is telling you there's something icky going on, you're probably right, and you don't want to work on them anyway. You're not losing money, the school is (and they should for not protecting/preparing their students better!)

Let them know when questions are inappropriate. Never hesitate to say, "I don't discuss my personal life." Or, lie and talk about your husband. I really am married, and if I think the questions are moving beyond polite conversation (which I don't like during massage anyhow) I start bringing my husband up a lot. Or the details of our recent wedding. Or my cats. Either seems to kill whatever mood they think is developing ( ;

Also, when working glutes, I tend to use my elbow and forearm rather than my hands, unless I am working on a client I've already established is comfortable and safe. This is less "grabby", which may be interpreted (albeit incorrectly) as something less appropriate. Same with adductors.

Remember, you NEVER have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Don't let them have the power in this situation. You didn't say specifically, so I may be drawing an incorrect conclusion, but if they've already got an erection and they're asking you to work inner thigh or "with sheets on near the nether-region" that would be right out for me. I would personally call them on it, and say something like, "You seem to be having some activity down there, and I don't feel that massage would be appropriate. This is strictly therapeutic massage. You understand that, right?" By asking them to respond, you may be better able to judge their intent. Establishing your boundaries may be enough to make them shape up, or it may be enough to reveal them as true creep, at which point you have every right to take a step back from the table and say, "I'm sorry, I'm unable to continue with this massage."

Okay, that was a big rant. Hope it's useful!

Natasha

 

[I <3 Pomeranians]

Hmmm, I don't particularly like the notion that it's anyone's "fault" for attracting unwanted sexual attention. Especially given the atmosphere she's working in, it isn't at all unlikely that this has been going on for a long time, with the all of the female practitioners before her. The school is doing a lot of things wrong here, first and foremost of which is clearly not preparing her for this eventuality and giving her good advice on how to deal with it!

Shanshanwinks, you definitely need to speak with whoever is in charge of the internship program, and of the school.

I couldn't agree with this more. The entire post is well written and full of great suggestions. Talk to the school, they should be there to educate and protect you.

Angie

 

[jeffrey e]

It's very important to tell the school about these men and it is their responsibility to see that they are no longer accepted at their school.

They should also be teaching you how to avoid and protect yourself from people like this.

 

[John Doe 1st]

I agree with Selkie, Leener, and others. I understand that some females may inadvertently do things that men may misinterpret as being More than a Massage, but the odds are much better that these guys are just pervs. Why there are so many of them is unknown to me; perhaps the school got a reputation (unbeknownst to them and to you) a while back due to a therapist who DID provide Other Services. Now, this is totally hypothetical, but it's a possibility.

I agree with the poster who suggested that clients be assigned to therapists. When you pay $60 an hour in the free market, you exercise more freedom in choosing your MT. When you pay $20, it's expected that you're giving some things up (you're going with a student who is still learning, you spend extra time contributing back by filling out evaluations, etc), so I don't see any problem with assignment at all. This would help the guys get through, too, because you're right--it's NOT fair that the guys (who are paying just as much for their training) have such a harder time getting through, and it's also not fair to you that you have to put up with perv after perv just so YOU can get through. To encounter this once or twice is probably a good education (though it's NOT an excuse for the school to just stand by and let it happen), but to have to put up with it client after client is simply ridiculous! I'm sorry that's happening to you. It shouldn't have to happen to anyone.

So, I certainly wish you luck in getting through. Please stay safe! And remember that this too, shall pass. One day you'll be able to look back on it, laugh, shake your head, remember what pathetic little weiners those ppl were, and know that you'll be really good at sniffing these creeps out and dealing with them before they ever end up on your table again

Hugs!
~Jyoti

 

[Masseur_at_Play]

follow up to struggling with internship

wow thank you all for your advice!!! a lot of that was truely helpful. just to clear up some of the stuff i may have left out...

the girl who manages the internship is very clear that if someone crosses the line to come and get her...however i have vented to her about these problems before and she pulls the whole " it's a physiological reaction in men and you're going to have to learn to deal with it " chalking it up to part of the proffession...which i get. the massage teacher is not on campus during the day when i intern. she's 65 years old and doesn't have much advice to offer at all. i have a feeling this doesn't happen to her as much as it happens to me.

i did the elbow to the piriformus on top of the sheet...i tried to redirect as much as possible...i used a firm touch... i was concious of all those things.

i guess i'm wondering what the best verbage is. i mean how exactly or what exactly do you all say before the massage begins to prevent that? i dont want to pre judge people, but my instinct is usually on point. i struggle with not wanting to come off as cold or harsh, yet it seems with certain types of people i will need to be (or at least to get me through this internship) do you think it's an unreasonable request to only ask them to schedule me female clients? is that pushing it? this subject really keeps me up at night and i'd like to go into my internship not feeling so nervous thank you again for all of your advice...it's nice to feel like part of a professional community

~shannon