The idiot report

[Jappisfariulp]

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation
in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at
the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat
in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into
the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the
river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on
the emergency locator beacon that activated when the
raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the
paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote "this. Put all
your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note
to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a
few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip and that he would either have
to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back
to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and
left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was
waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that; measured his speed using radar
and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the
police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign Number
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't
believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused
to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of the robber that he got off the
icense.
They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, Here's your sign

Please note that all of the above people are
allowed to vote)

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore."
>From Kingman , KS .

_____________________________________________________
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they
only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________

____________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe
to cross the street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the
light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

___________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear
coworker.
She was leaving the company due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We
should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that
deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power
strip back into itself and for the sake of her own
life, couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.

____________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the
keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from
the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey,"
I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton ,
Mississippi !

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.....
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when
an airport employee asked,!
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my
knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we
ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

 

[nibs]

:rofl:
i have the number 7 vdo

 

[emcee]

:lmao: :lmao: Great post mate.

 

[Chris Feild]

this was shown on star world. i think.. funny videos..:rofl: