Classmates won't work with me

[Texasgal]

This seems like a kind of petty thing but it's starting to bother me. At my school, probably like at most places, the students pair off for technique class and take turns on the table. The problem for me is that many of the students book their partners before class.

I don't book ahead; I just show up and ask whoever's standing next to me to be my partner. Because of this, if there's an odd number of people I often end up being the one without a partner.

Now to me this is about becoming a professional massage therapist, not about picking the coolest or prettiest person, as though we are dating. I want to work with a variety of physiques, so I've made it a point to ask everyone in my section (12 of us currently). There's one gal that I've never worked with in the 6 months I've been in school; I've let her know 2-3 times that I'd like to work with her some time and she seemed agreeable. But it's never happened, and I don't want to force myself on someone who for whatever reason doesn't wish to work with me. There's a couple of others whom I've worked with exactly once, because I asked them to, and they have never approached me of their own accord.

This behavior just keeps happening and I'm getting a little frustrated. I am pretty competent at technique (according to my partners), I do bathe every day and I am pretty friendly with people though I tend to be more studious and serious in class than most. I did get irritated one time and stood up and asked people to stop talking while the teacher's talking because I couldn't hear, and that did shut people up for a while. Perhaps I have alienated some of them.

Anyway what's the professional thing to do in this situation? I don't want to just go through life feeling contemptuous of my fellow students and I don't want to get into this mindset like the high school kid that no one wants to go the prom with.

Meanwhile I'm getting more practice clients at home and I'm going out and paying for professional massages--expensive but I feel it's for my education. Is anyone else in this situation? What would you do?

 

[Petals B]

Just want to tell you that although I don't have a reply, your post is being read and somebody out there is empathizing with you. I think that just stinks, and I'm sorry you have to waste your emotional energy on this. Can you try to suggest after class that somebody perhaps partner with you the next time? Its in advance, and maybe they will be grateful to know in advance too.
Jill/Sagetherapist

 

[Young Love]

If we have an odd number of folks in technique class, there is usually a party of three, and the teacher will demo on one of those three so that everybody gets both table time and practice time.
It really is to the detriment of other students to not get practice time on as many different bodies as possible. Has the teacher said anything about people switching up partners?

Do you mind me asking where you go to school? You can PM if you would prefer. Or you don't have to say at all, if you'd rather.

I tend to not book my practice partner in advance of class either. I find that I also do not usually ask people to partner, but that may just be my personality. I will still partner with anyone in the class.

As for "being more studious and serious in class" I can tell you from experience that usually doesn't win you any popularity contests (yes, I have a long history of nerdiness : ) I will say, though, that as a whole my class is filled with nerds (and I mean that in the kindest way, in case any of them read this).

Best of luck to you, blisterpeanuts. You will be a better therapist for you willingness to remain open and welcoming.

 

[Olli]

I just went to some continuing education... and was sorta stressed that all the MTs I had asked to attend with me... had declined.
And everybody I'd asked to go with me (members of my family) had other plans suddenly last minute and I had to end up going for the weekend alone... so I was really dreading the whole weekend, especially the part about not knowing anybody.
So, I'm standing there the first day, and a gal says to me, "I don't have a partner yet, do you?"
"No."
"Do you have a table?"
"Yes," I replied, "It's set up over there..."
"Can I be your partner?"
"Sure," I smiled.
Within 3 minutes the instructor asks everyone who does NOT have a partner to raise their hand. And of the 64 people in class, only 8 of us had paired off already. LOL That really blew me away! Guess I should have trusted that it'd work out ok! :wink:

 

[Ben Franklin]

If you haven't already, you may want to speak with the instructor about it. It seems petty but really it deprives you of the learning you need to have. I can understand your dilema, I had the same experience now and then and usually it went in streaks. Does the teacher have assistants in the class to help him/her with things? The school I went to does this and it helps out immensely when it comes to situations like this. Don't let it bother you, (I know its easy to say, difficult to do) but in the long run, you may find you will be a better therapist for it.
Hope this helps.

 

[--s2--s2--]

It really is to the detriment of other students to not get practice time on as many different bodies as possible. Has the teacher said anything about people switching up partners?

I haven't spoken to the teacher about it, but maybe I should. It would have been better if it had been suggested at the very outset that we should rotate as much as possible and not stick to favorites, but I can understand if the school doesn't want to act like Big Brother; we're all adults and a lot of us are in our 40s (although some of the more cliquish students are the older ones).

I've made grumbling noises to other students in recent weeks, though, like wondering out loud why everyone is already paired off by lunchtime and why some of us never want to switch around and use different partners. I have received sympathetic feedback from 2-3 people I've spoken to and they will say, they don't prefer to book ahead, but they will get asked in advance so they get sucked in.

I'm taking university classes at the same time as my MT classes and the contrast is amazing. While I love my MT classes and in fact I like the people, the difference in attitude is incredible. In a science course at the local university, in a lecture hall full of 200 people, you could hear a pin drop while the professor is speaking. Even when he's pausing from speaking, the room is quiet except for an occasional cough or sneeze. In massage classes which require equal concentration, like anatomy, physiology, and technique, people will chitchat even while the teacher is talking. I've had people talking to me and I'll wave a hand discreetly to suggest we should stop because the teacher has begun talking and the student just keeps on going, as though the lecture is unimportant to them. Which, I guess, is basically true. Our teachers have also displayed annoyance at this; in one case a teacher got fed up and took about 45 minutes of class time to discuss what are the students' goals and expectations in the course and try to obtain some consensus on getting through the material with fewer interruptions. I thought she handled it very well and my wife, a teacher, suggested it was the proper approach, but some of the students spoke of her contemptuously behind her back.

As you can see I don't think very highly of my fellow students, but even so I think about 70-80% of them will make very good massage therapists after they have been through more professional training. We still have about a year to go so there's hope.

 

[Billie]

Do you think its a possibility that your fellow students are sensing that you don't think very highly of them? I agree the more people the better to work with. It would be nice if the teacher stressed that too. My advice would be just to ease up a bit with your classmates. I feel for you but shushing them and waving your hands at them to be quiet is not going to win you over to them. Thats the teachers job and if they are not taking care of it I would talk to someone about that. It sucks that people are clickish and some not focused or respectable. Thats the way life is though with a varity of personalties. You are in a tough spot. Sounds like you are motivated to get the best education you can and some of your class is just there for unknow reasons. So I say you can only change yourself, not them. Therefore look at it different and try to go with the flow. I know thats probaly not what you are looking for but maybe it will take the fun out of them pushing your buttons. Try apporoaching someone at the start of class and saying hey we've never worked together, want to today?
Good luck to you on this.

 

[Wtf]

Blisterpeanuts-

Are you sure we aren't attending the same school? I read your post last night it was getting rather late and I really wanted to post, but after an 8 hour day of class and trying to decifer what the instructor was saying over all of the chatter in class... I was too exhausted to even reply.

Here is a little history of my class make-up. We have about 30 students in our class. At the beginning of school I was extremely motivated and looking forward to working on all the different people in the class. As time has progressed, the class has made several smaller groups that really don't have any inclination of broading their horizons a little and working on someone new in class.

I usually work with whom ever is standing/sitting next to me in class. I have told someone that likes to work with me that I would love to work on them again, but we should find new partners until we have worked with everyone else.

When I do ask to partner with people of other "groups" in class, they usually have their same partner they have had for many student exchanges. I do ask why they stay with the same people...one gal in class replied after asking to partner with her was that she already made arrangements in fear that she would have to partner with a specific male classmate. So, I proceed to ask, "ok, im not that male classmate, so let's work together?" "Sorry already have plans with so and so"... It's a bunch of excuses in my opinion.

I could go on and on about this. I'm sorry for all of this rambling, but I just had to talk to someone about my similar experiences too.

The people in class that stay with the same partner are the people in clinic complaining about the client they worked on. They are only hurting themselves. Some I think are afraid of actual change. I don't see how they will survive with that mentality.

All I have to say is that I'm lucky to get this chance to attend the classes and learn this wonderful field. It's amazing!

Blisterpeanuts, I have too made grumbling noises in class at the already pre paired class!





~Grapeseed~

 

[Cici <33]

When I was in school the instructors assigned partners at random by drawing names. They then kept a record to avoid repeats. By the end of the semester everyone had worked with all of their classmates.

 

[malibutan]

When I was in school the instructors assigned partners at random by drawing names. They then kept a record to avoid repeats. By the end of the semester everyone had worked with all of their classmates.

Great idea!

 

[kokopelli9090]

All I have to say is that I'm lucky to get this chance to attend the classes and learn this wonderful field. It's amazing!

Grapeseed,
Wow we could almost be in the same class except that my class is somewhat smaller than yours but otherwise very similar! However I don't think we have the "creepy male" presence (unless I'm the one, but I'm married and short and skinny and not your typical jock); out of four guys in our group, two are gay and the ladies love working with them. So maybe there is a male/female dynamic that I'm unaware of. Hmm.

Seattlesunshine,
Thanks for your thoughtful comments and probably I have intimidated some of my classmates. I will try to relax a bit and go with the flow. Ironically, a couple of times when we've had advanced students visiting to make up some credits, they also just stand there until it's time to pair off, so we end up getting stuck with each other and I have a fantastic experience (maybe less fantastic for my partner but oh well, they're nice about it) Also great because it shows me where I'll hopefully be in about a year. I just keep reminding myself why I'm there and I don't feel too bad. I probably will chat with the teacher some time just so she's aware of things.

 

[Mad Scientist...]

We didn't have an option of who we wanted to work with. We came into class and the names were written on the board, that way we got to work with everyone no matter what. Once we got into the advanced classes we were able to pick whoever we wanted to work with, but no one had any problems with working on eachother... the only time it didn't work out was when we had an odd number, then we had to pair up, and I tried to work with someone who was around my same height...

Honestly I think that was a better way for us to handle the class to be assigned from the very beginning.

 

[WebD]

Our teachers have also displayed annoyance at this; in one case a teacher got fed up and took about 45 minutes of class time to discuss what are the students' goals and expectations in the course and try to obtain some consensus on getting through the material with fewer interruptions. I thought she handled it very well and my wife, a teacher, suggested it was the proper approach, but some of the students spoke of her contemptuously behind her back.

I forgot to elaborate how this is exactly what happens in A&P and Kines classes. There has been so much wasted time in class trying to get the class quiet or the intructor has to lecture the class on how she is trying to give a decent lecture, but cannot with all the chatting. The owner of the school has had to intervene as well on this matter... It's crazy.

3 more months!! Yay!


~Grapeseed~

 

[dolphin]

I forgot to elaborate how this is exactly what happens in A&P and Kines classes. There has been so much wasted time in class trying to get the class quiet or the intructor has to lecture the class on how she is trying to give a decent lecture, but cannot with all the chatting. The owner of the school has had to intervene as well on this matter... It's crazy.

Yeah. Honestly there are 19-year-olds in my university classes who seem more mature than some of my MT classmates who are in their 30s and 40s.

I have a theory about this kind of behavior. Some of these MT schools (yours, mine) are trying to raise professional standards by actually teaching the scientific and therapeutic aspects in addition to hands-on technique. Me, I love this stuff, but some of my classmates have little patience for either the science or the therapeutic relations classes; they're there to learn technique. One student every so often would even interrupt the science teacher with "This has WHAT to do with massage therapy??" causing more than one of us to roll our eyes. I took this student aside and explained how it might be important some day to understand what mitochondria are and how your body generates its energy but I don't think this person was very receptive to my ideas.

Interestingly I actually met someone with HIV who was taking a drug that has the side effect of destroying mitochondria. It seems to me that my clients are going to have more faith in me as a professional if I understand things like this, what this must be doing to this person's fatigue levels and so forth.

There's also the professional networking thing; I'm going to know 23 other people in my field right out of the starting gate, plus a few others from other classes that I've met. I am going to know which ones are serious about becoming professional therapists and which ones just want to give a really good back rub, and I'll know who to send referrals to.

To be fair though people are starting to settle down and take this stuff more seriously. I have some hope.

 

[Rhianna]

i would talk to the instructors about the need to put your hands on each and every student participating. they should make a better effort to include all students with clinical exchanges. the exercise of working on those that a person doesn't like, teaches that we all must be professional even in difficult circumstances and do the work.

the talking over lecture time is really insulting to your instructors. i can see why some of them might be a little torqued about it. not to mention it is your tuition money; you have every right to hear the lesson. i would encourage the teaching staff to gain more control for the benefit of the student body.

hang in there

 

[Lidiya]

You have to change the way class is run. No one here can do that.
If I were you I would approach the instructor (he/she can't kill you right?) and tell them about your situation. SUGGEST that rotations be made mandatory.
Like tends to go to like and you can see evidence of that in every massageplaneteteria in the US from schools to businesses.

Although it changed during the last part of the year....in the beginning we HAD to have different partners each day. We could go sit and take notes with whomever we wanted but when it came to practical....we had to M O V E to someone new.

There are the stinky, hairy, short, too skinny/fat, pretty, ugly among us all. If your fellow classmates don't take advaneforum.xxxe of different bodies in class (where it is safe...mistakes are expected and learning experiences) then they will be hard pressed to keep it together when the non Stepford person comes through the door.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I'm not sure I understand why you don't just begin asking ahead like everybody else does. If people begin refusing to work with you, then I might ask them why or speak to the instructor. Apparently, the instructor has left it up to the students to pick their partners and your class seems to have fallen into a routine of asking partners ahead of time. This might not be the way YOU prefer to do it, but it's the way it's being done and doesn't seem to me to be a big deal to do. Am I missing something?

We were advised to switch partners all the time too. People did in the beginning and then found they were more comfortable with some people than others. Some people had horrible technique or bad breath or whatever and you just preferred not to work with them on a regular basis. There were a few people that partnered up almost exclusively with the same person. I liked to switch around and would make a point to ask one of the people from one of the established "couples". I never had anyone say no. Our instructor would usually pick our partners for tests and he almost always chose someone for you that you didn't work with regularly. He never made any comments during class that we should be mixing it up more though. The purpose for mixing it up was for our own good and to give us experience working on different physiques. I think he thought that we are all adults and it was ultimately our choice. I do believe that as an adult, it is our responsibility to figure out how it all works and do what you need to do to pick a different partner and if that means doing it ahead of time, I think that is probably what's necessary in this case.

 

[ihateemopeople]

When I was in school, we were allowed to pick our partners. I was really blessed that I was in a class of 6. Six, I tell you!

Even in that, we still basically picked a specific partner and mainly worked as individual units. However, there were a few times the instructor asked us to switch.

What I found was that while learning technique, I preferred to work on the same person as much as possible, because this person got to know me and would give very honest feedback. We also worked on each other when not at school. We were both working to get as good as possible, while the other 4 individuals in our class basically were their for the "fun" of it. Now, I don't want to sound mean, but myself and this other individual were the only ones in our class who ended up taking the board exams. Maybe by now the others have (it is a lot of years later now....) but, I just found it wasn't worth trading with them because they weren't passionate about it and it only gave me a "new" body to work minus any good feedback. And I know I needed feedback!

Maybe that is what is going on. Maybe you need to just partner with a person who is serious like you?

I know having multiple bodies is very important, and I came from a background prior to MT school where I had already had hundreds of them to work on -- but at the same time, if you are getting to work on people outside the classroom, maybe this is something to consider. Just a thought.

 

[sledge250672]

Sorry Blisterpeanuts, I'm not trying to hijack your thread ... since I have had the same feelings you have had regarding the disruptions of class and pairing with other students, I keep coming back to your thread.

I know that it may seem simple to read the thread and help find a solution to these frustrations. It really is up to me to resolve what I'm dealing with in class. Some can be handled and addressed by the instructor sure, but a lot does depend on me as the student. I have come to this forum to get insight, it's a great place to come to and talk about what good things are happening in my life. Also things that are a bit frustrating.

I was relieved, but also concerned to see another student with similar issues. I basically posted on Blisterpeanuts thread to VENT some. It's healthy. No one here can really prevent anything or stop it. Some good ideas did arise, and thank you!

I'm enjoying being a student again in my mid 30's. I think my husband knows every personality of my classmates, on account of how much I talk about school.

I'm glad you posted Blisterpeanuts! It's good to vent here and let out your thoughts. I know I feel better now! My urges to shush people in class have ceased.


~Grapeseed!~

 

[Joris D]

I'm not sure I understand why you don't just begin asking ahead like everybody else does.

Kneaded Massage, I think you make some very good points. Maybe I didn't make this clear before but there are several people who are never available when I ask them to work with me. I'll say "Hi, KneadedMassage, we haven't worked together yet; you want to partner with me today?" and they'll say, "I'm already working with TexasGal." I'll then reply "OK; I'd like to work with you some time; we've never worked together and I'm making it a point to work with everyone in our group." "Yeah that would be nice...." But the next day they've found a different partner. After a couple of such times it's like the message is clear. That's the kind of thing that I object to, and also the fact that people clearly are setting up their partners well in advance so as to avoid an "embarassing" situation where they may be forced to work with someone they don't like. If someone's worked with me and decided they'd be better off working with others, OK I can live with that though I'd rather know why. But if they've never worked with me then how do they know what they want?