Confidence taken a bit of a knock

[Kaleena Allen]

Hi

I qualified in June in holistic therapies. Myneighbour, who is in her early 70's and who lost her husband 5 months ago after a longand stressful illness, asked for a reflexology treatment the other day because she was feeling verystressed and she had alsojust recovered from a virus. Ifelt a reflexology treatment would be ideal to help her relax and give her immune system a bit of a boost.

Anyway, throughout the treatment her ankles were very tense and rigid. Each time I gently suggested she try to relax her legs and feet she did but it didn't last very long and then everything was tense again. Towards the end I felt I might have annoyed her a bit byasking repeatedly but I really wanted her to relax and get the most out of her treatment.

Previous to this, I have given her aromatherapy massages 3 timesand she tended to talk all the way througheven though I said she coulddoze off if she wanted to. Although she said the massages were very relaxing I didn't feel she wasparticularly relaxed at the time.

I felt disappointed that the reflexology didn't seem to relax her.Everyone else I have given a reflexology treatment to has relaxed to the point of falling asleep, so I suppose I'd expected this to happen every time.

On top of that, as always aftera treatment I explained the importance of drinking plenty of water to helpflush out the toxins andtalked about thehealing crisis, butit seems sherushed offto the doctors the next day because she felt illand her doctor told her she still had the samevirus and to take it easy.

This has left me wondering if reflexologyjust doesn't work for some people and I am also wondering if she had a strong reaction to the treatment, especially asshe told me laterthat she hadn't been able to drink much water because she hadn't felt like eating or drinking for 3 days! I'd be grateful for any comments, thanks.

Sandra
x

 

[Sunder Rana]

Hi Sandra

I must leave the actual reflexology aspects of your post to the reflexologists, because I am not one, though I have had treatments and found them most effective.

However, what came to me about this lady is that possibly she is at some level deeply resisting any therapy or treatment, and that therefore her seeming reluctance to cooperate is no reflection on you personally,or on reflexology, whatsover.

Five months is a very short time for any kind of recovery following bereavement, and it occurred to me that maybethispoor ladyis blaming herself in some wayfor her husband's death, or feeling she could have done more for him. Thus giving herself a kind of "I don't deserve to feel better"message about it all.

If you feel there might be anything in what I've said, would you be able to steer her in a slightly different direction, like to the Cruse bereavement counselling service? They should be listed in your phone book.

Laura.

 

[Santa Daniel]

I think the important thing here is to consider the client, who they are, what they do and adapt to suit them.

WhenI was training I treated the elderly, come love nor money they would not fall silent during the treatment, for them, the interaction and understanding of what I was doing, knowing why I was doing it, what I found, what they experienced and sharing that was just as important as having the treatment itself. Not everyone wants to switch off and not everyone is happy to shut their eyes. Some are just so darned curious they want to know it all.

The reflexology session can bea warming and wonderful offloading and counselling session for some, and if that is their desire, don't stifle it. Unloading problems, talking, feeling someone WANTS to listen to them can be priceless and unbelievably healing in itself.

I help teach reflexology and I am probably the worlds worst, when I have a treatment during the students exams, I don't switch off, I'm looking about to check they are ok.. I'm there to help, I'm their teacher.. I have a role.. can't switch that off. When I have other treatments, depending on the treatment I do switch off. It's my way. It's the experience I need and the communication. As a client it's my time, whether I choose silence of talking, that is my choice. It is the same with your clients, you have to be responsive to their needs.

With regards the doctor, I think she acted appropriately in seeing him, with reflexology when you treat someone, you can speed up healing, yes, but if you're in the throes of something nasty like a virus, the reflexology will make the body work damned hard to get all those toxins out, and yes, as you advised her, there is the healing crisis, but there is also the tenet, that you should never replace conventional medicine with complementary. It's not that she didn't trust you, but you may have accelerated healing and she needed to check it's ok. I would say that's quite responsible, both towards herself and you as a therapist.

I suspect the virus has made her that way, again, the elderly and eating/ drinking is hard, you can only give your clients an idea of what to do, but in many cases they wont do it, part of the learning.. If she'd been in full health she may have drunk more, but that generation aren't prone to drinking water so it can be hard to change set ways after so many years. You can't achieve the impossible, don't expect to.

Bereavement, I agree with Holistic here, I lost my mum in December and I went through a euphoric period for about 4 months and only then did the bereavement start to hit, for some it will be immediate, others, it takes time, losing a lifelong partner will take her years to get over, indeed, for some they never get over it.

Relaxing - it's hard to make some people relax, you can't just flick a switch and they are there, some are resistant, I've treated a number of people with tense ankles, one so bad I couldn't do more than a few degrees when trying ankle rotation. It's her way, I ended up giving her massages to her lower legs and it helped a bit. I also realised I had the cushion in not quite the right place - it could be worth trying this for clients who are tense in their legs, pillow / cushion under the knees so the legs are a little bent, if they are flat this will encourage relaxation.

You may also find it useful to get one of the Booth books on VRT (Vertical Reflex Therapy) or attending one of their courses, they will teach you diaphragm rocking, which is an invaluable tool for people who have tense feet - It's my personal favourite reflexology technique.I would also say do less reflexology and more massage, you're there to relax them, not the other way around, this will help to loosen things. Bear in mind, for many at this age, there are other complications such as arthritis and that often results in incredibly tense toes and feet, which they can do precious little about or so they think until they start with regular reflexo

 

[qmrfrfcl]

Thanks for your replies. I feel a little better in thinking that she probably did get some benefit from the treatment even though she didn't manage to completely relax.

Laura: What you said about her possibly feeling she could have done more for her husband - For the last 12 months of her husband life he had to be looked after in a nursing home and she always felt guilty about this, even though the medical team and everyone she knew assured her that he was in the right place for the care he needed.I see her quite regularly socially, I can bring up the idea of talking to a bereavement counsellor.

Justine: I think you have made a good point about her need to talk but still getting something out of the treatment. This has been a learning curve in that I can really appreciate that everyone is different and has different needs.I kept thinkingthat the reflexology just wasn't working but nowfeel it probably was helping her.

Thanks both.

Sandra x

 

[swtLiLwisp]

Sometimes the ones which seem the most difficult are the ones you learn the most from, you probably wont believe how much good she gets from your time, listening, compassion, treatments, patience.. I know it's hard when you start out and sometimes you can't be sure how much good you're doing, but believe me, if she didn't think you did her any good, she wouldn't have asked for you..

 

[Kay Kay]

Super advice from the folk here. May I add that from my own experience you will just simply get people who cannot or will not relax and let their feet go floppy. Everyone is different. If you tell or ask a person to relax chances are it will make them even more tense! If I get a particularly rigid pair of feet presented to me I'll usually say something like 'Let your feet go all floppy like they do when you're asleep'. It doesn't always work, but worth a go. If you are continually telling someone to relax and they think they are, you risk stressing them out.

As for clients who chat, it is probably doing them the world of good so I don't stop them. I'll often tell new clients that these sessions are their time and we'll do what they feel is best as regards chatting or sleeping. That way you set the expectation for them and take your lead from them.

 

[Duo Seeker]

Yes, this is what I thought was happening and I have decided that it would probably be best if I didn't continually asktense clientsto try and relax.

On the other handI've foundwith a couple of friends Igive regular treatments to, that they will actually apologise forNOT wanting to chat during a treatment! I wondered if it was because they assumethat I would find the silence awkward. I wondered whether this also happens when you treat clients who aren't people you already know ??

Sandra
x

 

[Momma Bear]

Its been a total pleasure reading these postings of encouragement and sound advice. I never use the word "relax" when I am working on a client. I also believe it tends to make someone much more tense. I do however always begin my treatments with deep breathing and double SP press and I breathe with my client. I believe this has a way of allowing clients to gently let go [at least to some extent] and to prepare themselves for their treatment. It also connects us in the action we are sharing, and connects the energy flow too. As someone else so eloquently said, some people just cannot let go enough to relax. For some folk, having to hold on - is their way of getting through difficulties, pressures etc. We can read what is going on as we work. If I feel stress-tension as described by Sebenny, then I just gently massage those areas with full hand contact [a bit like giving a warm hug as a massage over tense areas].

Also, no matter how someone may be reacting outwardly, remember that they are still getting a full treatment from you and they will benefit from it afterwards.

The words about conversation, unloading, counselling - well there is as much if not more of this goes on in equal [if not more] measure during any treatment - and that is healing too.

I'm sure you will make a fine therapist, one who will be counted on, trusted and valued by your clients. In many ways this lady has been another educating experience for you - they all are and we never stop learning!
much love
littleredperson
xxx

 

[Open your eyes~]

Just allow people to do as they wish. You can't control how they feel [you can have your room and self set up to help the ambience but its up to the client], and allow them to talk as much or as little as they wish. I generally find that even the most talkative person will become quiet by the time I have finished the complete warm-up or at least by the time I have started treating the second foot. But, these things are not measurable... and depending on someone's mood or circumstance they will differ week by week too.

Some clients are on the couch with eyes closed ready to begin snoring within minutes and others enjoy the conversation that accompanies the actions - all part of their treatment.

just go with the flow!
littleredperson
xxx

 

[Juliano knd]

Thanks Littleredperson for your reply. I have never been very good at 'going with the flow' so this is my opportunity to learn how to.

Regarding the deepbreathing with SP pressure. Duringmy training we were taught to do this at the end of the sequence but I feel doing this at the beginning as you have suggested wouldbereallyhelpful to the client so many thanks for that idea.

Sandra
x

 

[opissiobife]

If you also know your client socially, that sounds like an excellent opportunity to introduce the idea of talking to a Cruse counsellor.

littleredperson said:



While I would broadly agree with this ...and yes of course we talk to our therapy clients and even more importantly LISTEN to them ... nonetheless the Cruse counsellors do offer a rather more specialist service. I used to know several, because we had done a general counselling course together and they went on to train with Cruse, so I do know something of the very high standards of training they undertake and the wonderful work they are therefore able to do with the bereaved. I'm just offering the 'other side of the coin' here, but if you do a search on Cruse, you'll find a number of former threads where they're very highly recommended.

Laura.

 

[Rachy-Baby]

You sound like a caring and conscientious therapist, Sandra, so I hope this won't knock you too badly. There are all sorts of challenges in this job! If a client doesn't book another treatment, does that mean they don't like me or think my treatment was rubbish? If they phone to cancel, ditto? If their manner is a bit offish it can also make you feel uncomfortable. With another client you may feel that they haven't enjoyed or valued your treatment even though you've given them your most exquisite care and attention! My poor husband has come home from work at times to find me deflated and dejected by something that has happened which I have immediately have interpreted as me being at fault somehow. A big hug usually sorts things out, and let's face it, sometimes your dented ego needs a rub and someone nice to tell you that you aren't rubbish at all! People are all different, and sometimes we need to distance ourselves from what's going on with them and detach from them at the end of the treatment. You will be fine but I cannot guarantee this is the last knock you'll get. Just remember that we all get wobbly moments like this, and you are absolutely normal[sm=grouphug.gif]

 

[REZIDENT EVIL]

I think I am just beginning to understand exactly what sort of challenges being a therapist brings, probably one of the main ones for me will be not taking things personally.I have always found this difficult but I do feel this is one of the many things I am here to master! Thanks for all the input, it is absolutely invaluable and has been very encouraging. I'm so glad I joined HP it certainly helps you to feel supported and not alone.

Sandra
x

 

[The raven]

one technique i like for tense feet

pick up your clients legs and get the to push against your hands, tum or chest wall and tense every muscle in their body on inhaling...the exhale and relax the whole lot...three times...

don't be afraid to use visualisations either...get laura normal book on reflexology...it's full of suggestions

 

[Elias C]

It doesnt surprise me that some people cant relax at first with reflexology because you are exposing them to their deep-rooted fears- it feels like theres nowhere to run or hide during a session.

I used to feel like crap after a session - tired , depressed...
..BUT you know you need it and that its good for you.

Then after a while I started feeling relaxed during a session, Now im really happy - no more aches and pains whooho!

 

[jaluhsew]

Some very good advice here, but generally the older people are just not use to relaxing............. add in the arthritis, general aches and pains, etc.

Just go with the flow.

Fudge

 

[Bryony S-f]

This is a great thread, with some great advice given. I am not a reflexologist, I do holistic massage, but equally like others have said I get people who are rigid as a board throughout the session and keep talking, and others who doze off straight away.

I always have some music playing in the background (unless the client doesn't want it) and that helps with the talking bit: there is no need to feel they have to break the silence.

People who are so tense and "rigid" have often been like that for a long time, either because of habitual stress, or it's a control thing, trying to stay in control. Especially after an emotional trauma like that, like someone said, it could be their way of coping. A fear that they will "fall apart" if they relax even just their bodies.