How do you deal with classmate envy?

[iiinycboi]

Hi everyone,
I can't tell you how happy I am to have found these forums. I am currently 3 1/2 months into my massage therapy course and have been pretty content with my progress.

The only problem I am having now that has come up in the past 3 weeks is that a classmate of mine has changed in his attitude towards me. I noticed it when we started the student clinic and thought it was just my imagination but then an incident occurred that confirmed what I was feeling.

There is another student in our class with 20 + years of massage experience who is looking to get her certification so that she could later open her own spa. She was kind enough to invite my class to the spa where she is currently working in order to demonstrate for us her technique for Hot Stone Massage and it was incredible!

Well, I thought it would be a nice gesture to buy her a bouquet of roses and did so the next day of class. Anyway, she had not arrived at school yet and so I went to the kitchen. I saw her pass by the kitchen door and followed her to the classroom... Then I noticed the other student (the envious one) was walking behind me to the class as well.

When I got into the class I said to my MT classmate "There's something special here for you!" and she said "Where? Where?" So I pointed to the bouquet and immediately the other student rushed to the flowers, picked them up and gave them to her and kissed her! This student took credit for the flowers as if he had some part in it. :evil: I can't tell you how angry I felt that he had the nerve to do that.

I didn't have the heart to chew him out in front of the MT classmate because she was so happy that she was almost moved to tears. I stayed quiet but what made me even more angry is that this same student then made the teacher think that the roses were purchased in all of our names to be given as gift to the MT.

I was boiling....anyway, since I saw that this student was a two-face I decided to quietly speak to my teacher about this from my home. I called and spoke to the teacher (who I respect very much) and apologized for the misunderstanding. The teacher looked so perplexed when the MT was hugging him and thanking him for the flowers and couldn't understand why she was thanking him... After I explained what had happened the teacher said I was right to remain quiet and that he was very disappointed in the other student.

I don't know how to handle this situation... The only reason I can come up with for this persons behavior is that he is looking to get on the good side of the MT so that she will get him a job at her spa.

What advice would you give me on how to deal with this person and what if the topic of the flowers is brought up by the MT? What do I say? I don't like to lie about who bought the flowers.

Have any of you had experiences of another classmate being envious of you?

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Flooffy Panda Bear]

t013 t076 t074

Okay, it annoyed me just reading your post about the student who took credit for your good deed. Now, having said that, I will say this as well: had it been me in your situation, that chap and i would have had a very long and very serious chat and darned quick too! If he wants to take part, or all of the credit for your good deed, then, tell him how much he owes for the flowers and stick to it! He needs to be called on his behavior and quickly. In a real world job situation, that kind of behavior generally doesn't fly very high with anyone for very long. However, the other side of the coin is, that to get along at school, you might just have to bite your tongue and keep an eye on "mr. credit grabber". People like that are generally found out to be the jerks they are in the long run.

As for your MT classmate, since you kept quiet to keep the peace in class, then just say something like, "Glad you liked them. I really appreciated being able to watch you do the hot stone massage at your day spa the other day." Then let it go. That's all you can do in regard to her at this point.

 

[arnie]

Anastasia B... I am tempted to take your suggestion and ask him to pay for his part of the flowers :twisted: but as you said...people who are jerks in the long run will be found out sooner or later.

I like your response for the MT should she ever ask me about or comment on the flowers and will use it.

I don't like people who are shady like this and will indeed have to keep an eye on "Mr. Credit Grabber" LOL This incident makes me not trust him at all and I will make sure to keep my valuables in my locker at all times.

You are 100% correct that in the real world workplace stuff like this would not be tolerated for that long and I am very very sure that he is going to find that out the hard way. Since he has never held a job before (he is 20 yrs old) I think that for him.....he thinks his way of landing a job at her spa is by kissing up to her and he is welcomed to it... I have no interest in working at the MT's spa and am looking to go solo as a therapist once I get certified.

Thanks for your response...you made me smile... I like your sense of humor. Take care.

 

[Pringle]

There's an emotional cycle to massage classes. About 2-3 months in classes begin to have friction for one reason or another. Some schools even employ counselors to even things out. I guess it's a combination of passion, pressure and the natural emotional awakening that comes with bodywork in a classroom environment. That's a lot of very close interaction most people are not accustom too.
As they say.... "you don't go to massage school.... massage school "happens" to you."
Try and focus on the end goal, get out of school so you can move on. Getting caught up in the need for validation turmoil will only cost you focus. I promise there will be more and it will get dramatic. You can see it now, try and avoid it.

As a teacher it puts me in an awkward position when a student shows personal appreciation in a public classroom. Gifts of appreciation are better given in private because the situation you saw.
The normal thing that happens is the class as a whole can.... but an individual student needs to be more private.

 

[Bruno R]

nolalmt.... I see what you're trying to say but I wasn't trying to show off that I was giving my fellow classmate a gift. It wasn't during class time that I had planned to give the gift and it was only the 3 of us in the classroom when the incident occurred.

I won't censure myself when I feel that I want to show my appreciation to someone and if another person has a problem with getting emotional or envious over something like this...then that is their issue.

I kept the peace and didn't say anything to the student who took the credit and am only concerned with how to respond to the MT should she bring up the subject of the flowers in the future.

I am not looking to get validation for anything if that is what you mean by "validation turmoil" but on how to deal with such a situation so that it doesn't make for a tense situation in class.

 

[jenerinlee]

Ah I misread. I see it was a fellow student and not the teacher. That does change things.

As far as validation I meant you will get caught up in their need, as in this case. Validation is desired as a primal need imho. People will look for it from the teacher, the class and each other. Some might sleep with each other, some will be jealous of each other, some will end long term relationships... it gets wild sometimes.

The point being your class is gonna get emotional as you go. Focus on improving your skill level and watch for drama you can avoid. Let it go when you can.

 

[Czech.]

Ah I misread. I see it was a fellow student and not the teacher. That does change things.

The point being your class is gonna get emotional as you go. Focus on improving your skill level and watch for drama you can avoid. Let it go when you can.

I've misread posts alot of times.. tis' human.. I'm not going to let this small thing take away my focus due to another's jealousy all I want is a diplomatic way of handling things so as not to cause an uncomfortable drama to unfold.

I got miffed by what the student did but kept my lips zipped... but if another incident occurs then...well... lol

 

[arielle_ya]

The emotional rollercoaster in a massage classroom does happen. It happened in mine. We had students envious of each other, the I am better than you and her attitudes and then for my class it made it a thousand times worse when a classmates of ours was killed the Friday before we tool our Anatomy final that Monday. We got to the point where we all hated each other. How we got through it...Our teachers ( yes Peter this includes you) What I remember about my last day with Carrie was we had Sports massage that day with you. Anyway off track for a second there.... Had it not been for our instructors who saw what was going on we would have pretty much killed each other. But each one of them in a unique way helped us find each other as class again.
If you have instructors like I was blessed with they will see what is going on and fix it without you ever saying anything.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Shannon...wow, my class sounds like heaven compared to the hell you went through. I am sorry to hear about all this horrible stuff. Hugzzz.

My teacher is not a fixer, he tends to avoid confrontations...even asking basic questions to the school administers makes him uneasy and that can drive me nuts at times.

We had another student who was constantly missing classes and when he would come he'd just joke around or fall asleep in class. :roll: The teacher being so super non-confrontational let this go on and on for over two months until finally the student just stopped coming to class altogether.

I have had to crack the whip and speak up to the administrator's to get certain things done for our class because the teacher is too submissive in personality. I really hope that things don't deteriorate in my class because of the envious personality of my other classmate.

Thanks for your post and again I am sorry for all you went through. Take care.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Hi fellow NJersian.
I had a fellow student cheat on her exam using a cheat sheet and then threw it onto my duffel bag after she was done.

There are people out there who will attempt to diminish your light in the world, feeling you may be shining brighter. They don't realize they shine on their own and diminishing yours doesn't help them at all.

Having said that, healthy anger is your bodymind's way of telling you there has been a boundary violation. I always feel it is our duty to ourselves to speak up when it happens, but do it when you feel you can do it with gentle power so it can turn into a lesson learned for both of you, and not escalate.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[ACWN]

Spock...what you say makes sense. That's pretty messed up that the other student threw her cheatnotes on your duffle bag.

I don't understand why the other student is jealous of me as we both are doing well in the massage class but I guess its like you wrote...some people think that you are outshining them and don't see their own talent.

Too bad for him.

Thanks and take care

 

[WouhFluomma]

Sorry to hear of these less than nice situations with classmates for you all!

Hydro4Vita, had there been any prior sort of energy tensions between you and the other student who took the credit for the flowers? What did your other classmates say when that student gave credit to the class for purchasing the flowers? Did anyone question or speak up about that?

Spock, How did you respond to the other student throwing her cheatnotes into your bag!? I think I would have flipped out on that one. Yikes! That's a serious violation in my book. I'd have to say something. Did you speak to the student or take it to the teacher?

I'm about a month into my program and I had no idea how many "issues" would be in the room with my fellow classmates. For some reason I thought as a whole we would all be a little more evolved, and we're only just now getting into Swedish! There's a long way yet to go. I didn't know it was so common for classes to become so...for lack of a better word...interpersonally messy? I don't do well in cliques, so when they start forming I tend to break off and be on my own while staying semi-permeable to everyone. I guess that kind of keeps me under the radar of some of the major drama that can erupt? The stories I see unfold from this vaneforum.xxxe point always keep things interesting, but doesn't take my energy like being involved in it all would for me.

 

[Happy Happy]

healingtime... I had started noticing little things that made me think that my fellow classmate was envious of me but then I'd just brush these thoughts away as my being too sensitive.

Two examples of what led me to feel this were that if I ever got an answer incorrect in class I'd notice what looked like a smirk on the face of the classmate or whenever a client at the clinic would give me a tip he would ask me how much I got and if he ever got more than me I would see that same smirk.

I explained it away to myself as my over-analyzing his expressions but now I see that I was correct in what my gut was telling me.

As for the envious student giving credit to the class...well, it was only 3 of us in the classroom when the flower incident occurred. So, the MT classmate thought that the flower idea was of the three of us (myself, envious student and our teacher).

My teacher was perplexed when the MT student came up to him and kissed him saying thank you for the flowers. I called my teacher later in the evening and apologized for the misunderstanding...then explained to him what had happened.

I too never thought there would be such "issues" in class but alas what can you do? :roll: I'm not one for being part of a clique either and for some reason I thought that being in the field of massage therapy those studying it would be less uptight and more carefree but silly me was wrong.

Best of luck to you in your class!

 

[Shanshannon]

Don't sweat it too much guys.... it's a phase and most classes rebond on a better level towards the end.

My school had the teachers in a group weekend every year. They had to go through confrontational exercises and live on top of each other for 3 entire days dealing with their stuff. The purpose was to experience what a class goes through over the year. As far as I know it's normal human behavior patterns. Happens with any group of people. Every body is nice nice, then they get on each others nerves, then theres some sort of acceptance and rebonding. Normal human frailties.

 

[nadia ? ...xx]

Healingtime, I did say something to her about it, about how it could have cost me everything after all the real effort I had put in,and then took it to the administrator who then expelled her.

Massage school has issues flying everywhere due to all that bodywork. It's a great learning experience if you keep yourself clear and do a lot of self examination and inner work.

 

[Xtreme Poetess]

Hi everyone,
I thought I'd give all of you alittle update to this little predicament.... In order to clear the air of negativity I thought it would be a good idea to privately contact the envious student by calling him at home.

In talking to him and asking him why he took credit for the flowers he gave alot of lame excuses such as "I thought the teacher had bought the flowers in all our names.." :roll: "The MT looked scared when you said to her there's something here for you and so to calm her down I gave her the flowers" LOL

Anyway, this pretty much diffused any annoyance that I felt towards him and I kind of feel sorry for him because he could only come up with excuses that were pretty pathetic and so I leave him to his envy.

One thing that seemed to shake him up alittle bit was when I told him that I had called the teacher and apologized that he had put in an uncomfortable situation that I did not create. The envious student then nervously asked what the teacher said.

So, there you have it... The situation wasn't even worth the annoyance and I feel much lighter in having spoken directly to the student in a respectful manner.

Take care everyone and thanks again for all your replies.

 

[??L0V3 M3 F0R3V3R??]

The situation wasn't even worth the annoyance

Your Mantra the rest of your time at school.

 

[Kevin.Hiroki.Lee]

I am really surprised to read about these types of situations.

I felt (naively!) that in general, people seeking to learn about massage therapy would be.. I dunno... more mature?

I'm not going to go looking for these types of situations, but I feel at least if anything goes awry during my time at school I will at least not be so shocked.

Thanks to everyone for posting and giving great advice!

 

[Ebo]

I am really surprised to read about these types of situations.

I felt (naively!) that in general, people seeking to learn about massage therapy would be.. I dunno... more mature?

I'm not going to go looking for these types of situations, but I feel at least if anything goes awry during my time at school I will at least not be so shocked.

Thanks to everyone for posting and giving great advice!

There is *no* profession that attracts only the generally more mature. It's just life. : But that is okay - we can learn something from everyone.

 

[?Socially Awkward?]

The situation wasn't even worth the annoyance

Your Mantra the rest of your time at school.

Indeed.