In dire need of some sound advise...

[WOWbrandywineWOW]

Ampoliros, My honest advice is as follows:

You made a mistake as much as she did. You are a student in Danmark indeed and have your own worries with your family, scandal ect. You also are fortunate enough to live in a country where you do not have to marry her to bring her to Denmark. You do need to live with her. In Denmark she can get good antenatal treatment, she will even get money in the form of "bidrag" when she has YOUR child. That child is half Danish and is YOURS, that child deserves the best you can give it as a parent, just because she is carrying it makes it no less yours.

To me there is no issue, you need to get her to the Danish embassy in Lao and get the papers moving asap, I would even call immigration in Denmark yourself and try and speed things up. Just as she needs to tell her family and face consequences so to do you. It may be hard but as I said, you made a mistake just as much as she did. Could you really live knowing that you did not entitle your child to the best medical care it could get before it was born and then left it in a country not knowing the conditions it was being brought up in? Just sending money is not an option, in my mind. The beauty of the Danish system is that you can bring her to Denmark, live together for a couple of years while you see how things go and also can help her with the baby and also bond with your child, and if things do not work out she has the option of staying having also been able to adjust to life in Denmark, learning the language customs culture etc.

I really hope you take this advice and bring her to you where she can get better care for her and YOUR unborn child. But in this time make sure you let her go and learn Danish in the FREE classes offered in Denmark, if things do not work out this will be invaluable to her in terms of increasing her options to stay and make a life for herself and your baby. It will also be good if she stays as she will then also be close enough for you to participate in your childs life.

You may be "only" 24 but many parents have been a lot younger and had a lot worse circumstances and done a great job raising their children.

Now go get her an opholdstilladelse! Let us know how you get on!

 

[misty-dawn]

I too have been where you are, actually I have been here 2 times in my life, I was younger than yourself, I was 21 or so when my first was born we were not married until 1 year after. our second child was born 6 years later.

I have for the past 7+ years raised the two children by myself due to the mothers death, the other woman aborted the child so I have a pretty good idea of what this is like and what the meaning of this can be.

You are sitting at a crossroad in life that will determain a great deal as to what becomes of you, what you will or will not be able to acomplish so choose wisely. As with most crossroads in life, make a choice but be sure it is one that you can live with, each of us has choices that must be made without the convience of knowing the outcome, it is a part of life.

Sorry but life has its ugly moments, at times I wonder how I got through some of it alive, over the years I have come full circle and as of right now feel like I have just started to live my life in the way that I want...but then no one ever told me it was going to be easy.

Best of luck to you, whatever you choose I hope that you will find peace with the decsion that you make.

 

[jesaguy]

I see your point. Point well taken. And, of course, the child's welfare must always be the first consideration(but not the only consideration)!

 

[gypsy belle]

this is one heavy thread

 

[Kerrie B]

Is the girl in Thailand or Laos? Not that it makes that much of a difference but I would like to know.
Here are the steps I would take:

1.Tell your parents. You are an adult but without knowing your exact situation as a student they probably are supporting you. If the baby is yours this will have an impact on them. Denmark if I'm not mistaken is a pretty tolerant country this is a situation you will need your parents emotional and financial support. Don't fear any scandal, fear for the well being of your child and mother. You will probably have to take some time off from school to get this situation sorted out. Don't worry your school will always be there, take care of your responsibilities

2. Verify if she is pregnent, if she is make sure she recieves good prenatal care even though you have not confirmed this is your baby or not, you still care for this girl. You will have to come back to where she is to confirm pregnency. (Yes this will take time away from school).

3. Confirm DNA You need to know if it's your baby or not. This has to be done by dna testing only.

4. If it's your baby You then have two choices I feel.
a. Bring mom and baby back home to your country.Eurogirl details that part in the previous post.
b. Send support to mom and baby and have baby raised in mom's home country. This might be the most feasable as Asian families have good support from the whole family. The mom would not feel alone with a baby to raise in a foreign country but have her whole village and parents helping her with her first baby. (Is this her first child?)

This is a test of your manhood and your family's moral fabric. If you care for this girl DO THE RIGHT THING and take care of her.

I have not been through this before but is just what I would do when you presented this challenge.

Best of luck!

 

[Lisa M]

You are correct that you are too young because this will kill all of your dreams for YOUR future. Take it from my experience, you need to be selfish here and if you are not ready then don't do it. I recommend the Hail Mary at this point because she must not have your child unless you have already achieved the most success you will ever attain in your life. If I didn't convince you enough and you decide to go through with it, I have 8 words for you...PRE NUP, PRE NUP, PRE NUP, PRE NUP!!!! I have already gone full circle with this exact scenario (except my ex was already a US citizen when I met her & her race was Phillipino). I felt I had to "do the right thing", and I was actually ready and willing to have a family. Unfortunately I had an ugly backfire with the mother who told me that due to a surgical procedure it was impossible for her to get pregnant...the first of hundreds of more lies to come. With all that said, my eight year old daughter is the greatest thing that ever happened in my life, and we are very happy together. She lives with me full time and we have an incredibly close relationship, an unsurpassed love for each other, and I found out that I love children and enjoy being an eccentric rockstar dad! Unfortunately the divorce (2.5 years of sheer hell in court) has caused her a lot of emotinal pain and stress which we work on daily, even after 5 years. I am very serious and this is no joke, please learn from my mistakes and good luck to you.

 

[bells3011]

Sorry for going off topic on this one!

So its OK for you to go off topic but not Tarzan uke:
Care to explain why you can but he can't??

 

[Melorious]

Just want to add that thai/lao people have strong family bonds.

It is often the case when thai women move abroad that they in fact don't like their new country as they feel isolated and they miss the family too much.

It certainly helps if you happen to live near an area which has a strong thai community as she will need people of her own kind for support whilst living in a country so alien to what she knows.

I don't mean to put a damper on plans you may have for her moving to your country but you need to be aware of this...I wish you the best of luck

 

[Purusottam]

I can´t help wondering how the people in Laos will react, in a country which has (until now) had only a very few number of Fallang-babies. What do you think?
[/QUOTE

One thing is for sure: Everyone will love this baby. My daughter is a 50/50 thai/europe and the thai people love these children. There will always be some jealous people around.... (where ever you stay).

As Tintin said: Don`t think too much about what the parents will say! You have to know what you want!

Chok dee!

Hugo

 

[Wtf]

You may get some advice on that on these Laotian forums (though many who frequent them are expat/born abroad):
http://www.laotian.info/vientiane/index.php
http://www.laohub.com/modules.php?name=Forums

Whatever you decide please don't abandon her - the very minimum you should consider is establishing the child is yours, then offering (generous) financial support.

Also, having see the standard of hospitals in Lao, BKK might be a better bet for pre/post natal care.

All the best anyway!

 

[Cee]

Rockstar I cannot agree on this statement, but hey we do in life what we think is the best personally!

In your case I understand your statement. I have known you as a man, who is on the road all the time, enjoying the girls like nobody else here does......

Nothing wrong to be commited though! I have been happy with that for 18 years now. Now I am a bit older I still enjoy some young girls true, without any commitment to them, but for 90 % of the year I am a good carying husband and father.

Asian girl have the advaneforum.xxxe to be carrying mothers, without this feminism bellshi*.

Some guys search a good wife all their life and do not find her! Maybe you are lucky to have found one soon!

i hope btw you are still there Amopoliros, because you do not respond to our messages!

 

[David H]

Hey Hugos, you told me you were married, but did not tell me it was a Thai girl.....

Without critisizing you, my good friend, I don't understand that you are still up for new TG's if you allready got one at home!

But some people say same-same about me, even if she is not Thai.....

 

[J&JLove]

hey Tintin, re-read my edited statement below, I am in the 80-90% category of providing care for my daughter so we are equally devoted! I appreciate your comments and posts...the 10-20% of the time that my daughter spends with her mother is when I do all of my "photograpy"!!!! I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

 

[little.miss.shopaholic]

My two cents, look kreung are very attractive children and adults and I see no reason anyone should have anything to say about it. We are all human and if people are that narrow-minded fuc* them! The first guy I ever loved was half chinese and I have been with other guys who are half asian and I for one think they are very attractive and have a huge benefit of having been brought up with two cultures and if lucky enough, languages as well. Don't focus on what the world might or might not think, give your child all the love and support in the world and make them feel loved through and through and foster security and self-worth and they will have no problems in this world no matter what other people think.

 

[Peyton]

Sry Tintin, i will not discuss my relationship here on the board. That`s my private thing. Think you`ll understand this.

Hugo

 

[gusgus]

Many things have been said already.

It's not easy to live as you are far away from her.
If it happened to me, I would :
1. Verify if she is really pregnant and be sure the baby is yours
2. If yes, then I would take my responsabilities by sending 5000 bath/month, hoping that one day, if my love for her is true, I will come back to take care of my new family or I will make her and the baby come in my country.

Anyway, I wouldn't be able to "forget" it. I don't know if I would be able to be happy with a baby I didn't want as it would change all my life, but I am sure I would be unhappy if I didn't do anything and let the girl alone in front of the situation.
Maybe it's a good test to check your feelings for her.

Good luck!

 

[Patient Paws]

Your editing is quiet different!

But it confirms what I am saying! I would never would like to have missed the joy of my children! With one difference: their mother is great! :cheergal:

So maybe this Laos girl also is! :heart:

 

[Neenee]

hope he has better luck than me! I'm picking up Wylos for a BBQ at my house tomorrow and he will meet my daughter. OK, time to sleep.

 

[PaRtY AnGeL]

Okay, friends.
I have taken my time replying to this thread because I wanted to read every post in great detail and think calmly about this complicated matter...
Thanks by the way for your postings - all of you - they have been immensely helpfull to me.

Now...there are 2 extremes here, which both are not an option for me.

1. I don´t want to abandon her
2. Her moving to Denmark would cause more than serious problems in my life, many of which I don´t think I am prepared for. Furthermore I have read a lot of postings on Stickman about LOS-girls who moved to europe and became very unhappy, dragging the relationship down with them. So really I don´t want to this either.

No....I think I will choose a compromise of sorts. I will maintain her and the baby financially while I finish my studies and then I´ll move to Los. Simple as that. I think I will be able to adapt pretty easily.....because I like the Los very much and am kind of a tolerant character. Besides, my Lao-Girlfriend has never lied to me yet, has never tried to sleaze money from me or done any other dubious stuff. So I am almost absolutely sure that a lot of the stuff that has been written about bargirls doesn´t apply to her (I was the first to make love to her too...so I´m pretty much certain that the baby is mine). I have been telephoning a lot with her the last few weeks and she is actually very happy about the baby and has told me that she´s felt even closer to me since she has become pregnant...(by the way why is it that asian women want fallang-babies so much? Her cousin went almost crazy when my girlfriend told her about the baby...and since then has been obsessed with the idea of having a eurasian baby, too)

I´m just kind of worried how HER family will react to this. Presently only her mother and her cousin now about it. With all this family-honour thing going on in Southeastasia I´m not sure how they´ll react. What are your thoughts on this?

Has anyone of you had experiences with half asian - half fallang babies? I mean.....are there normally any complications during birth? I say this because I am quite big (1.85 meters) and so I reckon my baby will be comparatively big too.

I hope to hear some more insights into this matter and say Chock Di for now :

Ampoliros

 

[fresh to death [:]

Ampoliros, as your story unfolds I get a little tiny but suspicious. I say this not to be negative but I do know men that have come from Scandinavia and been told they were the girls first etc.(do they really flatter themselves so much that they believe these girls have waited all their lives to lose it to a guy they meet for a week or two?) and soon there are sisters and cousins writing emails after some tragic story about mother, potential child, or some other family member taking ill or some kind of tragedy occuring and suddenly the guys spend a ton of money and find out that they are left broke and heart-broken. It may well not be the case with her, but be warned, it happens.

Secondly, I have a lot of thai girlfriends and they talk about me because I like Thai men and how I would have a "look kreung" or mixed child and how it would be beautiful etc. But they have a general sense that "look kreung" are beautiful, not just farang look kreung babies. They sometimes take it so far that they call children with a parent from Issan and one from Bangkok "look kreung", if only in jest, but they do consider any two foreign nationality children to fall under this category.

On the other side, I know a lot of people from Lao, Myanmar, and North of Thailand particularly(northwest) who would be disowned for even dating a farang. So it varies, so I cannot account for her excitement over farang baby.

Just be careful, perhaps even visit and put your hand on her belly and make sure you feel some kicks before going all crazy.