Newbie Report. Part 6. Behind Enemy Lines

[kylanburge]

This is a continuation of a thread that began at http://www.phuket-info.com/forums/m...rt-patong-march-26-april-3-2010-part-1-a.html

This report shares some follow-up information that I hope will be beneficial to incoming first-timers, and maybe entertaining to experienced BMs. Some of you may remember a few years ago, a young American man with a lifelong heartfelt affinity for bears, who went to Alaska to live with Grizzlies. At first everyone thought he was just plain nuts, but after a few seasons even career wildlife biologists/behaviorists begrudgingly admitted he was making discoveries beyond their wildest dreams, and the local Native Americans coined a name for him; translating to something like Grizzly Shaman. Of course he eventually disappeared, with very little doubt as to what had inevitably occurred. The same fate may be in store for me, which makes it all the more important I bring you up to date while I can…

I’m going to assume you’re familiar with the Roller Coaster saga related in my previous 5 installments: hinting that I might sponsor a BG, eventually being convinced not to; initially seduced by the innocence of BGs then having to face that some are evil incarnate – while having to maintain the possibility that others (possibly including mine) are everything they seem to be. I finally found my own balance and I am sending money, but please understand this, it amounts to a fraction of a percent of my disposable income, and I know to the depth of my bones that I am not in love with the girl: I’m not in imminent danger (Hah!). Besides that, I genuinely like her, and we’re in touch one way or another practically every day. Consider too that I’m a writer, which automatically means that I’m a little Left o’ Center to begin with, and the idea of following a situation just to see where it goes is a fairly compelling proposition to me. In fact, I would have to say this situation continues to be one of the more stimulating circumstances I have ever experienced, and its forcing me to challenge social assumptions and self-perceptions that I might never otherwise have had a chance to explore. So swallow hard and try to live with it. This is emphatically not to discourage your comments! To the contrary, I’m posting this deliberately under Nightlife so you can let loose with whatever you want. Just don’t think you need to (or can) save me. I’m in this until I decide I’ve gotten what I want/need out of it (which I’m trying to figure out in parallel).

Lets cut to the chase: She was having some problems sending me photos. Lacking the skills to solve the problem, she sent me the password to her email account so I could view the photo albums on her home page. Nice pictures, but I had read a thread at some point where another BG had done this and the BM had full access to her entire e-mail history. I considered the ethics of the situation, concluded that neither of us could claim the moral high ground, and took the plunge. Just one week before I arrived in Patong, there ended a month-long thread where she was angling for a Visa to England. Apparently she never got the guy’s phone number (despite asking) and the whole thing just died out after about a dozen e-mails. She tried to put the bite on him for 70,000B at one point, but he didn’t even acknowledge it. Before that, there was brief correspondence with another guy, only a couple of messages. “Yeah, I’d like to see you again too. I’ll let you know if I’m in town.” I’ve also noted that my own messages are now there for the next guy to read. You might want to think about that before you give a BG your e-mail address.

She had previously told me that she’d been in Patong for 7 months. I found the e-mail account dated back about 9, and interestingly enough found her enrollment confirmations at that time in thailovelinks.com and thaisoulmates.com, both with passwords. The first has been inactivated, and the second looks like it was never completed (doesn’t have a photo). Let this be a warning to anyone on these websites that thinks they are only used by “Good Girls.” She’s on Twitter too – God help us! Maybe the decision had already been made to go to Patong and the websites were a Hail Mary, hoping she wouldn’t have to go. There was some other information on there that I’m still trying to put in perspective. She claimed to have a vocational college education and to speak Japanese. In earlier conversations she had told me about trips to Singapore and elsewhere, and having now seen photos of her home/neighborhood, it’s clear that she’s been raised under very favorable circumstances. Mum and Dad clearly don’t need money, as she’s told me a couple of times. The hardest thing for me to get my head around at the moment is why a girl like this would become a BG? I can only guess some cultural thing that I’m not yet aware of.

It has also become clear that her English proficiency is far higher than I initially thought. It only comes out when she really needs it, but its there. Makes me wonder how many other BGs understand a lot more than they let on.

Anyway, we’ve been talking about her going to Nursing School (this fits with her previous education). She’s been in touch with several, gotten a lot of information, which she’s shared with me, asking for my opinion, and blessing. She sent me the web address for the best candidate school (in BKK). 6-month program, and the girls have to stay in a dorm (she always emphasizes that she won’t be going out at night). The school is very clearly legit, and she says she can handle it for only 5000B/month more than I already committed. She got fairly upset when I initially misunderstood and thought she was asking for 10 times that. Honest to God, either there is some real sincerity there, or she is one of the top con artists on the continent. Damn! Could it be both? But even at best, sincere to what end? A nursing degree, especially with some hospital employment, is the golden road to a Work Visa, even to the US, so this may all be just one more indication (warning) that this young lady is far more sophisticated than I ever could have guessed watching her work that bar on Bangla. Neither am I overlooking the persistent question, why would a bright beautiful 23 y.o. want to commit to a 57 y.o. guy, no matter how devilishly handsome (I am, leally!). One thing I can certainly tell you is that I am more and more appreciating the idea that, “What happens in LOS, Stays in LOS.” I can see the entertainment value of the whole thing beginning to wain, to the point where I’m seeing the possibility of reaching a point of indifference about seeing her again, ever. But not yet. There’s gold left yet in this vein and I'm going to see where it leads.

 

[New York Nightmere]

Security and hope for a better life/future ... age/looks not being the determining factors.

Again thanks for the insights and time taken in compiling some very usful information.

 

[DeleraTwinkie]

Best of luck with your journey that you have decided to take. I look forward to more of your posts.

 

[CALL ME!!]

Thanks for continuing the story, knowing full well you may receive the scorn of a few BMs in the process.

My thoughts; the going to school to learn nursing is just a story to get more Baht per month out of you. Think about it; she comes from a good family; if her dream was to be a nurse she could have done it years ago with funds from her family...No; she's made her choice; she wants to take the easy path. A bar girl earns a lot more than a working girl...even a professional such as a nurse, and a BG has far more freedom. Why would she suddenly want to go to school to study a job that she will have to work longer hours for less money and much less freedom...it is a lose lose situation for her. All she is doing is expertly extracting the maximum she can get from you.

I think a lot of the BGs are really enjoying themselves. They want to be there, working in the bar; they like the lifestyle. A guy like you comes along and thinks you are saving them from a horrible life and they milk it for all it's worth. I don't blame them. I would do the same if I were them.

Of course I speak in general terms. You may have the one "diamond in the rough".

 

[Alhamdulilah]

You're welcome. It really is my pleasure, and writing these reports helps me tremendously in processing the experience.

As to your explanation, that fits. And the fact is, even if I never see her again, if I can give her solid start down that road, I'll be really happy. Could be the best possible outcome.

 

[Bizz]

You could be right. With the school in BKK she could easily part time at Nana and still give me the impression she's fully absorbed with her studies, and the fact is that she might even deceive me for a good while if she went back to Patong. The thing that leads me most to believe her is the Visa angle, which we've discussed at some length. The US aggressively recruits nurses from around the world to address a growing domestic shoreforum.xxxe. I think she has a sense of the income she could obtain here, and how it might advance her agenda. We'll see. I still have the password.

One other thought: maybe she would have continued with the nursing degree...if she hadn't gotten knocked up. The folks could have decided, "OK we'll take care of the kid, but we're not paying for you to pump out more."

Anyway, you can see how easy it is for me to rationalize everything (which I find both amusing and disturbing). But ultimately there's no substitute for cold hard data: I just have to wait for it to unfold, which I am really am enjoying. I truly shudder to think how badly I could be being abused (emotionally and otherwise) if not for the guidance of the Board. As I have been from the begining, I am profoundly grateful to you all.

 

[kld726]

Are you wanting to develop a relationship with her? Or are you just wanting to exercise your Florence Nightengale tendencies? If you are simply wanting to be a humanitarian, why wouldn't you sponsor a girl who is dirt poor and never worked as a BG who wants a better life?

 

[starshine dreamer]

I really like her a lot, and I enjoy the thought of a long term relationship (with us together), but I'm going to need to spend some time with her in person to get a better feel for what's possible, reasonable, or intelligent. Its the connection I feel to her that singles her our for my attention - I'm not fundamentally a philanthropist - and so far, every time I've tested her, she's proved solid. Diamond in the rough? I don't know yet if she's THAT solid, but I'm willing to give her more scope to show me who she really is.

 

[Pompal 09.]

First WTTB, thanks for taking the time to contribute your experiences and seemingly not sugar coating it. Since you invited some criticism here I would be remiss if I didn't comment on the following two quotes.




If the above quote is true, why send money at all? What is your goal in doing so?




At best this seems like rationalization, I hope and think it is. At worst, it seems you are saying your toying with someones life to satisfy some curiosity or give yourself additional material to write about. If that is the case, I would say its immoral.

Not trying to "save you" as you say, but it seems to me like you are being a bit dishonest with yourself.

Anyway, good luck.

 

[Sam Da Man]

Thanks Kuhio. Part of the risk in posting here is that neither the length of the initial post nor the subsequent dialog provide adequate opportunity to convey all the details and fine points. I'm still exploring this myself, but I believe I am doing it honestly to the extent my imperfect awareness allows. I like this girl, I feel we have a real connection, I have the means to help her achieve something that I believe really means something to her, and it gives me a certain joy to do that. We may end up together. Its no experiment. At the same time I have to protect myself from the real and very well-documented dangers. In addition, I have a very clear appreciation of the value of BMs experience to others, especially newbies, and I feel a certain responsibility in sharing what I've learned. I'm trying to honor all of those things, and frankly its a tough thing to balance.

As to giving myself more to write about, that's the last thing I need. I was a lot more naive when I started these reports than I am now, and I doubt I would have shared a lot of the detail if I had had a clear idea of where things were going to go between her and me. At the same time, those posts led to the dialog that has helped me become less naive, and various BMs have encouraged me to continue, so I have. Whether there will be any more, I really can't say.

A final remark about rationalization. I recognize the value of this life experience to me, but the only things I've rationalized are to give her the benefit of the doubt. Overall, BM recommendations run strongly counter to that, and sometimes I've swung with them for a time, but I always come back to giving her the chance I think she deserves. And that's the way it will stay.

 

[vighnesvaran]

you spent about 1 or 2 weeks with her, i think?
how will you ever know her true feelings by right away sending her money?

 

[Bela Lugosi]

good read thanks mate

 

[Flaminblonde]

Maybe by continuing to read her emails from/to all her other sponsors :arf:

 

[rockylad_75]

It seems to me, that you are an alcoholic that has had his first drink. You may be able to drink and at the same time have a normal life as some do, but you might also end up in the gutter with no money, no place to live and no hope for the future.

Your problem has nothing to do with being a newbie. You had read in this forum for months before having your first drink. You knew of all the dangers of drinking, all the side effects, and all about the hangovers, but your knowledge disappeared, as soon as you tasted that sweet, devilishly delightful drink.

As I said, you might be able to control your drinking. Not drinking the working days and then go wild in the weekends. You can afford that, and it gives you the best of both worlds.

But you might find that the drinking controls you more and more. That you keep thinking about drinking all day, until you finally give in. Just one drink today, and then you can go back to work. But when back to work, you will be thinking about the next drink.

As I have been reading your reports, I have a feeling that you will be going all in. It might be slowly and take some years, but it is inevitable - you do not control the situation.

And it will make no difference what others will be telling you. And it might not even be this girl, that do you in. It might very well be the next one or the nextone. I am sorry to say so, and sorry to witness this, but your path seems clear.

 

[JessicaM]

Yeah. He is SO toast. 555

 

[zxcvbnm]

All of them? As far as I know, he only know the password to one account.

 

[lil_pink_elephant15]

Read his report again. He says he has the password to HER email account and so he can read all of her emails...in and out as well as see her signups with passwords to various introduction sites.

 

[Gladiator]

And two other e-mail accounts.

 

[Sam Y]

I was just pointing out, that many bar girls have more than one e-mail account. I might add: And more than one bank account.

 

[Wondrer]

@el piton
in your 1st post you mention: england singapore japane(ese) and english, perhaps she could work for the united nations.
thanks for so honest and open, but i just don't get it, what do you hope to achieve?

sending money to a stranger and that's all she is at the moment, is just crazy, sponsor the red cross or the salvation army, but not a bg you have met only once for a week or 2.??? get to know her by talking sms email by all means, but you need to be in thailand to get to know her and spend time with her,
this girl is a liar and she is playing you right through to the end game.

she is not 1 of the top con artists on the continent, probably wouldn't even make the finals, she just got lucky that she found you.

btw please keep us posted on this vein you talk about.
as i have said before it's your life and live it how you want, but be careful, you're not the first and wont be the last.