My first review of 2019

[m694ever]

I went out New Year’s Day for a massage hoping to meet an attractive lady which would check all the boxes. Ended up at a place on the north west. Upon entering I met by an attractive person. The entry was colourful and pleasant with good lighting. I was taken to a massage room that was almost square with a table in it, wall hangings and a table cover. I prepared for the massage and the attendant came in. During the massage there was music and candles burning. 45 minutes later it ended and I paid the designated amount. Walking out I noticed a picture on the hall wall of a horse and rider. I received thanks from the attendant and exited.

I hope this review does not hurt any feelings, politically correct and descriptive enough to encourage all of you to go to this place.

If you need more details please PM. I cannot post any more details as the forum does not have a moderator or rules but does have a vocal choir with diverse opinion.

 

[BFK15]

I went out New Year’s Day for a massage hoping to meet an attractive lady which would check all the boxes. Ended up at a place on the north west. Upon entering I met by an attractive person. The entry was colourful and pleasant with good lighting. I was taken to a massage room that was almost square with a table in it, wall hangings and a table cover. I prepared for the massage and the attendant came in. During the massage there was music and candles burning. 45 minutes later it ended and I paid the designated amount. Walking out I noticed a picture on the hall wall of a horse and rider. I received thanks from the attendant and exited.

I hope this review does not hurt any feelings, politically correct and descriptive enough to encourage all of you to go to this place.

If you need more details please PM. I cannot post any more details as the forum does not have a moderator or rules but does have a vocal choir with diverse opinion.

Boring

 

[m694ever]

Boring

Point accepted.
However this is the direction the edmonton section is headed.

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

I thought it was excellent and gave more details than most reviews I've seen.

I only wish it stated who it was, or what spa.

I rarely do private messages, and don't always respond to the ones sent to me.

 

[Rubmegood]

Very good!!

 

[Mybackhurts]

Point accepted.
However this is the direction the edmonton section is headed.

It sure beats getting sh*t on by the choir.

Sent from my SM-G965W using Tapatalk

 

[BFK15]

It sure beats getting sh*t on by the choir.

Sent from my SM-G965W using Tapatalk

Your Back Hurts because you allow this shit to pile up on your shoulders

Let it go my friend

 

[Rubmegood]

Let it go my friend

Good advice for a LOT of guys on here...

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

Good advice for a LOT of guys on here...

Too bad that advice isn't followed by a few guys who preach it a lot.

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

Can some one please do me a favour and pm me as to WHY some of the more popular ladies go into witness protection . Pm please . I think I know but for my own future reference I’d like an answer

Have you ever watched Red Sparrow with Jennifer Lawrence? Yeah, me neither.
I've wasted enough money on crappy, useless massages; do I really want to do it on movies of similar quality. But, it goes something this:

Government sends 30 to 40 year old plus attractive and/or Chinese RMT agents to massage in government funded male orientated spas and/or studios. They also send late 20's and younger chinese body rub ladies to the AMT spas. Most pretend to know limited English, but they are completely fluent. Their mission is to scout out and provide important Intel on affluent Canadian businessman and politicians. When they find a security risk, they are to elimimate this target with extreme prejudice. (WHICH IS SAD, CUZ ISN'T THERE ENOUGH PREJUDICE IN THE WORLD?)

If you were unfortunate enough to watch Red Sparrow, you will know that this assination can be both brutal, gory, and bloody. (Much like the Holyfield ear, after it was chomped on by a Tyson.) And when it's done during sex, by a Chinese assassin hiding in the room...its especially unsettling.

So the lady is traumatized, sent back to be retrained as a hacker, or tour guide. (Whatever they are short on, at the time.)

So that's the long answer.

The shorter answer, more closer to the truth is: I'm not really sure. Your guess may be just as good as mine. (Just not as fun!!!)

Oh wait, sorry: I was supposed to PM you.

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

no Worries next time you ask me for any kind of info or more details you can expect the same sarcastic shit from me . Unless you take a hint and don’t bother.

I apologize for any offense!!!

It was just a joke to make people laugh.

Follow my reviews...I joke around all the time. I've been doing it for years.

I have no problems with any of your reviews, comments, or questions.

The only time I'm being fecitious in my humour is: when someone gets on here attacking reviewers, because they don't like their massages being critiqued, or have moral hatred, or disgust towards the members.

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

Can some one please do me a favour and pm me as to WHY some of the more popular ladies go into witness protection . Pm please . I think I know but for my own future reference I’d like an answer

I sent you a direct message, answering your question the best I could.

 

[Albertaman]

Ok, now back to the original post in the thread, and adding more details. As I walked out, noticed that the rider in the picture on the hall wall was Genghis Khan. Yes, the Khan himself, the man, the greatest pooner amongst us all. And btw, the 16 hands harem massage was pretty awesome.

 

[JWL1668]

MM,You are a really funny guy and well educated.If not for this,you would make a great interesting friend

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

MM,You are a really funny guy and well educated.If not for this,you would make a great interesting friend

Thanks, I think.

But, did you just say that if I wasn't so educated, I would make a better friend.
Oh! OH!

I think it's time to report to Drama Teacher Trudeau for de-programming. By the time his mind erasers are done, I will believe the following:

1. Quebec only let's magic oil go through it's pipeline. Saudi Arabia oil has been purified by Allah himself, and thus poses no threat to Quebec's soil above.

2. A prime minister can support a province's need to get its oil to other markets and say "we need to get off our dependency on fossil fuels" .... at the same time. It is perfectly normal for leaders to have perfectly opposite views and not just be trying to win future votes. I'm not even a leader and...sometimes I hate Shreddies, sometimes I love them.

3. Terrorists are really just misunderstood children, who take part in killing people who are not really innocent. (Why else would Allah (and sometimes Jehovah)
say it's okay.) So, when they return, we just need to rehabilate them, to be good adult Canadians: ones who are politically correct, always say sorry (even when they didn't do anything), and properly learn one of the most politically correct anthems (no, it's not the one with "in all of us command") of our generation: "Summer of '69". Or, was it "Cuts Like a Knife"? No, that sounds too violent.

Wait...did Albertaman say he got a 16 hand massage? I thought the most Northside spas have ever offered was 14 hand massages. This sounds like they are trying to get customers to start helping them give massages. I don't know if I like that. I got to stop closing my eyes during massages. One day, some biker dude is going to get up on me and I'm gonna be a gonner. (Unless, he's on Jenny Craig)

 

[BFK15]

Thanks, I think.

But, did you just say that if I wasn't so educated, I would make a better friend.
Oh! OH!

I think it's time to report to Drama Teacher Trudeau for de-programming. By the time his mind erasers are done, I will believe the following:

1. Quebec only let's magic oil go through it's pipeline. Saudi Arabia oil has been purified by Allah himself, and thus poses no threat to Quebec's soil above.

2. A prime minister can support a province's need to get its oil to other markets and say "we need to get off our dependency on fossil fuels" .... at the same time. It is perfectly normal for leaders to have perfectly opposite views and not just be trying win future votes. I'm not even a leader and...sometimes I hate Shreddies, sometimes I love them.

3. Terrorists are really just misunderstood children, who take part in killing people who are not really innocent. (Why else would Allah (and sometimes Jehovah)
say it's okay.) So, when they return, we just need to rehabilate them, to be good adult Canadians: ones who are politically correct, always say sorry (even when they didn't do anything), and properly learn one of the most politically correct anthems (no, it's not the one with "in all of us command") of our generation: "Summer of '69". Or, was it "Cuts Like a Knife"? No, that sounds to violent.

Wait...did Albertaman say he got a 16 hand massage? I thought the most No.1 has ever offered was 14. This sounds like they are trying to get customers to start helping them give massages. I don't know if I like that. I got to stop closing my eyes during massages. One day, some biker dude is going to get up on me and I'm gonna be a gonner. (Unless, he's on Jenny Craig)

 

[BFK15]

I got a 13 hand massage. One gal kept answering her phone

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

I got a 13 hand massage. One gal kept answering her phone

That's the hardest I've laughed so far. (At least in 2019)

 

[Albertaman]

That's the hardest I've laughed so far. (At least in 2019)

The truth be known, my 16 hands massage was awesome yes, but still a rip-off. Was supposed to be a 32 hands Harem Exclusive massage, but all 16 masseuse spy girls were busy texting images of my sorry arse and my tattoos to their handlers in Beijing and filing reports on the documents they borrowed (I only learnt of this much too late ) from my briefcase outlining Canada's role in helping Trump forcibly take over and re-locate the Great Wall of China (stone by stone) to fortify US-Mexico border. Never too late to learn, next time for the Harem Exclusive, will insist on half price.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[MASSAGE.MAESTRO]

The truth be known, my 16 hands massage was awesome yes, but still a rip-off. Was supposed to be a 32 hands Harem Exclusive massage, but all 16 masseuse spy girls were busy texting images of my sorry arse and my tattoos to their handlers in Beijing and filing reports on the documents they borrowed (I only learnt of this much too late ) from my briefcase outlining Canada's role in helping Trump forcibly take over and re-locate the Great Wall of China (stone by stone) to fortify US-Mexico border. Never too late to learn, next time for the Harem Exclusive, will insist on half price.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Just thank Bhudda, you weren't marked for termination...by the Chinese Government, Trump, Dick Cheney (that man is into everyone's naughty business) , or Putin (apparently Russian spies were posing as laborers and helping Trump move the Great Wall stones.

The good news is: if you had been wounded and not killed, Trudeau would have said sorry to your family. And as a loyal secret soldier for the military, he would have denied your claim for medical expenses, and fought you in court to try and keep you from them. And he would have stern words for the guilty parties....unless they were originally Canadian. Then, they would likely have been tortured by Russia. Then, Trudeau's defense department would have settled in court for a mere 6.69 million dollars. (Assuming they weren't child soldiers)